313pm there's no school todayy. i woke up about an hour ago. and i found out that rolled off of myy bed in myy sleep again. i was freezing on the floor because i didn't have myy covers. i felt alone. all byy myself. well, the onlyy person home besides me is myy sister dearest. today's her birthdayy. that luckyy duckyy. i would love to have myy birthdayy on a holidayy. [veteran's dayy] but i hate the feeling i get when i wake up and the outside world is so gloomyy. and then i love the feeling i get when i basically the onlyy one at home because i can run around myy house in myy underwear. i love doing that. that's when i feel free. heh. typical verena. can't even decide whether she's happyy or not. i called elleryy the first thing when i woke up. i guess i love calling people just to know that they're there...not to talk about anything in particular. but elleryy said he was busyy, and i was kinda taken aback from that. i don't even know whyy. but i guess that ruined anyy happiness i had inside. so for now, all i'm doing is listening to myy special cd with myy favorite songs that i onlyy listen to when i feel like crap. and i'll just continue to eat myy ice cream in a sad attempt at being happyy all over again. and i'll remind myself to keep breathing.