Job hunting isnt going very well. No one wants to hire anyone thanks to the ression. This economy is failing. I havent herd from my ex fiancee in awhile. I think i hurt him when i told him that we were over a couple months ago. But what am i really supose to do? Hes in prison for a while, and i was never really sure if i loved him or if it was a secruity thing. I know i cared about him, because it did bother me to tell him goodbye, but all and all i do believe its for the best. As for my current relationship, its going well. Im surprized, by time and stage ive usually discovered that there was either cheating lying or have gotten into a fist fight. But there wasnt any of that - yet. Its definatly not perfect. (im not sure if its on my half or his or both, but its not perfect) and i wouldnt have it perfect just because nothing is. It would be a fairy tale to say that a romance is perfect and fairy tales dont exzist. Im not sure if because everything is going so well that im nervous about it, or if im relieved. Either way theres this scence of something washing over me that seems all too firmiliar and so diffrent in the same breathe. My ex michelle called me about a week ago, and she told me she was so relieved to her my voice on the voice mail. I do actually feel really bad for the tings that i put that girl threw. I guess i dont relize how distructive i am untill its too late.. Then i fall into this mode of why would anyone love someone so wreckless. As for family matters, we are not doing better, but not really worse either. Its a flate line. My g pa should be going in for surgery to correct the problem hes got with his knee. (The surgery date ended up being moved to jan 13, and hes of course pissed about it so hes been alittle on edge) My g ma is up to same old. Still talking about how much she hates everything in her life and how my g pa ruined her essentiually. Shes still going on her little dates and so on and so forth. My aunt is thinking about leaving her husband, and a part of me wants to tell her maybe she should stay and try to work it out and anthor part is secretly throwing a party. My mother i assume is doing just fine. I havent really talked to her since she got married on halloween. Even then i didnt really talk to her. And as for me... I think im doing alright. Im feeling alittle emotional (okay, a lot emotional) but hey, i guess thats life. Haha. I used to be the chick that wouldnt cry at the saddest of romance movies and there i was last night balling my eyes out to the notebook. Im like the eighth wonder of the world. My heads always all over the place. Maybe i need meds, lol. My not being able to get employed is pissing me off, because i actually, oddly enough, want to find work. It doesnt seem like theres anyone who wants to help me(except for my wonderful friend heather and my amazing bf kris) Its kinda sad when the only people who want to help you are the ones you arent related to. Then again my family has always been kind of out for themselves. im not sure if its because theyve given up, or because they are so emotionally wrecked themselves that they cant see anything or one elese. I promise, if i have children, they would be my world. Always come first. No matter the age. I was in such a rush to grow up, now all i want is to be a kid again. Its ironic how the world seems to work.