i cant say when it began. the constant emptyness that engulfed me before i knew it was there. It just deepens and i fear there to be no end. not anything can fill the void. Not booze, not sex, not friends family or love. Nothing. Theres just a hole dying to be filled, screaming to be whole again. My finger cant place how to fix it. how to get back whats been lost. Insult to injury. Salt to a cut. Am i even here anymore? Am i real? Do i still breathe air, and bleed blood. Maybe ill wake up, open my eyes to find its all just been one long nightmare. Oh god. This is hell. Im in hell. wheres god in all this?