Im jelous. Im very jelous. I dont even know why. Its like a horrible monster trying to devour me whole kind of jelousy. Maybe its because she now has something that ive wanted for awhile. What makes me so incapable or undeserving to not have it? What makes her the better profile and canidate? I tried to be happy for her, but the whole time i kept thinking how utterly upset i really was. I mean dont get me wrong, i am happy for her, but my desire for what shes got is so much stronger then any amount of happiness that i had for her. Then i became perplexed with the thought that im a horrible person for hating someone i call my friend for the sole porpouse of her having something i wanted. Its everything she wanted to, and probaly more. All the same - for some reason, i just cant let go of it. Maybe im just sick. A very sick person.