This utter emptyness is too much to take. It frieghtens me. Im scared of myself. There is nothing left other then my empty dreams and false hopes of happiness. You know why i take so much comfort in drugs and alcohol? Because it takes me from this place - this hell. For a couple hours of my life everything is okay and it doesnt matter. Only the darkest of things relieves my misery - my pain. Im bitter, im cold. I dont even feel like im living. I feel dead. Dead to the world. Im a masochist. Only my blood is real.