i sit here with this big stupid grin on my face for something - or - someone thats not even real, but i cant manage a small sympathy smile for all the people around me. In less then two hours i will be 21 years old, ive got nothing to frown about. Yet frowning and running are all im doing lately....

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suddenly a tinge of regret passed threw me when the old man had made a comment to my mother saying he wished he had the money to get me something for my birthday. For the past couple months i havent had a single pleasent word to say about him and here he is - just old - being upset that hes got no money for my gift. Im a horrible person.