Maybe i just have to be alone for alittle while. Im not happy and im sick of lying about it. I dont know if i should be fighting for my boyfriend anymore or if i should just let it all go. Afterall how much does it really matter? Our relationship has been going downhill for the past few months, and it doesnt seem to be taking a diffrent direction. He doesnt want to let me go, but i think he might have to learn how to. I feel like hes hindering my personal progress. He doesnt stimulate my mind, or spirt. Not from day one. The only thing that was there was lust and now i see where thats gotten me... a week shy of four months pregnant. I feel as if the strength i had just decided to leave one day. Everyone around me is complaining how they cant take it anymore and as a result has decided to take everything out on me because im just about the only one in their life that wont say a damn thing. While all this is happening no one ever stops to think how i feel. Im 21, and make 70$ a week at a job that costs about as much as i make to get there with a baby on the way and no where to put it. Im, of course the only one with a job in the reltionship i have, so my 70$ is going to have to buy a rent and bills and food and baby stuff. im pretty sure im on the verge of loosing my job, and no one elese will hire me while im pregnant, shit.. it took me two years to find the job i have now. BUT no... im fine. why not take in everyone eleses shit while im at it. does it ever get easier? im starting to thnk it doesnt. ive been asking the same question scince i was 15, and everything has only gotten worse. I fear that i have no path in life and that im just a useless waste of space stealing oxygen from people who really need it. god i wish i hadnt quit smoking. I really could have gone for a ciggerate now.