Sometimes i wish i could just turn back the wheels of times and relive some of my fondest memories, and fix some of my biggest mistakes. im pretty sure though everyone feels that way. The only way i can go back in time realistically is by listening to all the old music ive accumulated over the years and veiw the old photos of a time i thought was horrible but in reality was some of the best. Its so sad you never know what you have untill it leaves and just the memories are left. Im so petrified to let anyone in on anything these days. Its like if someone gets close to me, im going to get hurt. All i want to do is be open and share and tell people the things that have been rambling threw my mind, and the things that ive never told anyone. I want to share my dreams my hopes my fears with the world, or someone as simple as my boyfriend, just someone but i can never get the words out of my mouth. Im too scared to be hurt im too scared my words will be used against me in the end. Im afraid of my own emotions, my own feelings. I wonder if ill ever be able to completely let anyone in again. Even when im with people i cant help but feel like im alone. "Everyone is better then me, everyone has more porpuse and worth then me" Yes. That is how i honestly feel. Im sick of feeling so useless. i think im loosing it. Whatever little grip of reality i knew is slipping away from me and i cant do anything but watch it as it goes. i feel like im burried in a dried pile of cement made to dig my way out with just my bare hands. Sometimes it feels like im dying, and no one sees it. It doesnt "Feel Good" to get this out. It feels shamefull and disgusting. how do i deal with something that seems so hard to even think about i break down into tears and plead with whatever god is out there to just take the pain sad and bitterness away and earse my memorie of it all. i guess playing with fire really does get you burnt and then the only thing left is to deal with the scars that remain.