Well.. Since kris dumped me i been on this rampage to find something elese to distract mymind from the invetiable heartbreak i knew i was going to suffer. The result? Well, i got a job at dunkin donuts =) God do i suck at making coffee lol. I never thought making coffee would be hard.. lol. Today was my second day on the the job. I guess im getting better, i have two weeks to learn everything. Im also learning how to drive, and unfortunately its a standard so i really do suck at that too. Lol. I keep stalling everywhere nad anywhere, Not to mention that i almost killed me and my friend by almost going threw a store front. Surprizingly though, shes still willing to let me drive, and to teach me haha. Thank goodness, i do need to learn so thank god for her. Last night i kinda freaked on kris and said things i almost wish i hadnt. I prolly scared him away now. I just had this rush of emotion that was like ohhh... I couldnt controll the words comming out of my mouth or the thoughts i was having. Maybe i made a boo boo maybe i didnt.. I guess only time will tell. I went to a party the day i got dumped nad met this pretty cool kid, scince then i been chilling with him nd this other girl. Lol, and i guess she awakened my inner bi sexual because its been awhile scince i had a crush on anthor girl untill her. She actually reminds me alot of myself in alittle more of an out going way, and im not sure if that scary or if thats amazing. I have concluded the only one i plan on being with for a long time is kris, but if it aint him then its no one. Im no where near ready for a relationship with anyone but him. Im trying to work on myself as it stands. Hopefully i can save my money from this job instead of putting it all up my nose this time around. I want to do things the right way. I almost feel like i dont have the time to screw up again. But i always think my biological clock is ticking, lol. My mom is planning on moving out and as much as i think thats a good idea just for my own selfishness, i also think that maybe it would be better if we just stayed. I know her and her husband have been going threw a hard time lately but she loves him, And i dont think anyone should give up on love. Its a crazy thing. Lately my wanting to just go out and no longer be a prisioner to my home has been getting me into some slight trouble but nothing i cant handle. Honestly the people that i have gotten into fights with nad no longer speak too im better off without. I still have this urge to go out and cause havok on the world and intrupt my boring life but i know im not the person i use to be and i cant do it anymore. I have too much of a conscience now. im trying to make new friends. Positive friends, not the normal drug and alcohol addicted fucked in the head kinda friends. I been thinkin alot lately about who i can and can not trust and whos really my friend now. Ive come to the conclusion that i have less then 5. But somehow i cant seem to call anyone out on what i know they are doing. Maybe im too nice or maybe im scared that im wrong, but so many people are so malicios these days it really is hard to tell who Is true and who is fake. One day though im sure ill have everything figured out and everything will be okay. Whenever there seems to be an end in my life a new begining comes. When my heart is breaking the most, things seem to take a funny turn. Hopefully they are turning for the better this time.