HEEEEEEEEEEEEY. OK, today has been a highly emotional day! I woke up and got ready to meet Marci at church. As far as I knew it was just her, Tara, and like 2 other people from Middlebrook going. Well I get there at 3 and it's a youth outing! Which kind of made me feel uncomfortable since it's been 2 years since I have been anywhere with that youth group. But I didn't want to be a "funsucker" (lol MARCI) so I tried to be myself and be happy. It ended up being me, Marci, Tara, Beverly, Racheal, her 2 friends, Andrea, Charatie, Charaties brother, Tony, Shiela, and Tony's friend. I could tell someone didn't really want me there and she kind of seperated herself from the group which sucks...but not my problem. So we left the church and went to FunScape. We split up into groups b/c we had an hour before the movie started. Me, Tara, Marci and Beverly went to the arcade where I rode the horse race thing w/Tara and beat her. It was great...Marci took pictures of us riding it lol. Then I tagged along while they played games. When they turned in their tix for prizes Tara got me a cute lil ring that I am wearing on my pinky finger and Marci got me some gold beads which her, Tara, and Beverly got too. So we all wore our beads. We got our picture made in that booth machine and they are super cute. We got them in black & white w/flower print at the top. I have it hanging on my bedroom wall. The movie started at 4:20. I sat inbetween the twins. OHH it was great. I cried and cried and cried. We all did. I had such a headache when we left the theatre. It was so REALISTIC. I felt like I was there with Jesus during His crucifiction...and the movie was SO detailed!!! Although it broke my heart before to know that what Christ went through for me...it really was an eye opener for me. And I KNOW that this movie was only HALF of what He endured for us. I sat there the whole time that they were beating him and mocking him just saying "thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus". Because it was such a horrible act...but also an ACT of how much Jesus LOVES us...and I do thank Him...I thank Him whole-heartedly for doing what He did for me. To think that He died FOR the people who crucified Him & ALL of us sinners. So then AFTER the movie we got back in the church van and rode back to the church to have pizza and a 10 minute devotion. We ate and then went upstairs to the sanctuary so Tony could give us a devotion. It was SO weird being there at first. It felt like I had never left and yet at the same time like I had never gone there...too awkward. Well, during Tony's devotion one of Racheal's friends got saved (praise God!) and so Tony called everyone down to the alter. There I broke down. I cried and cried. Then when the praying was over and everone was going back to sit down I hugged Tony's neck and told him to pray for me and said that I missed that feeling...and missed having a church home and that I knew that I needed it. I cried on his shoulder and then he asked to pray with me so we knelt down together and I just sobbed while he prayed. I needed it VERY much. It was like I let go of SOOO much that I was holding in....hurtful feelings about leaving the church, circumstances, and of course just the emptiness and absence of not having a church home now. I think Tony confused it with me saying I wanted to come back to Middlebrook. As good as it sounded...I just don't think I could ever do it. It wouldn't be the same...and I know of a few that would not welcome me with open arms...so it's just not worth it I don't think. But I do want to find a new church home. I have been wanting that for qutie some time but I never realzied how much I NEEDED it until I felt that feeling againg and how wonderful it was. Thank you, Jesus. =0) I was supposed to go to Old Navy with Tara, Marci, and Beverly but I was all cried out and my head was hurting worse so I just came home. Anyways....I recommend EVERYONE go see that movie.....it's a heart breaker and a heart soother all in one. <3