so I've decided I am extremely pecimistic. we shall have to remedy this. not that its always easy to make yourself feel good. but I have my trusty head phones and a drum set that usually manage to make me forget myself. so yeah talkin to everybody when they are all happy and you are very realist can get pretty difficult. especially when your the only one who seems to know what the word problems means. It's different to look at everyone else and think how much better would I be if I had someone I poured out my soul to. then I remind myself that even if I did have someone it wouldn't be my soul that I poured out. but the reflection of theirs. I am not sure quite sure where this came from but the more I think about it the more it makes sence. If you ever listen to a love poem its all about the other persons qualities, or your insecurities because of that person. Although I still wish I had such a person to dote over I find it much more conforting to know that love doesnt bring out the best in you, but adds the best part of someone else to you. yeah my random thought. I hope somebody out their gets it. I really think we all fail miserably at counting our blessings the majority of the time. Maybe I only see this because I am pessimistic but even when all you count is the happy things in life theirs so much of the simple that you forget to even think about. your nationality, the fact that people arent trying to kill you, heck the fact that spiders dont try to haunt you. I guess what I am trying to say that even the simplest things can be doted upon for a lifetime and that we should think more about everything and less about one thing. but then again thinking about everything is far too confusing. I had a thought the other day that what if god isn't just testing us with one earth. what if their are hundreds of tests and earths with different laws of physics, maybe no such thing as gravity. other sences besides those we have here. It was all very interesting but my head started to hurt and I gave up. I have begun to desipher the truth of human intillect. very few people are really more intelligent or more talented. its just givin to different areas to be used different ways.