I haven't been really happy in a very long while. Thats a really sad thing to say I know, but its true. I feel like I spend every day just getting along, and I'm tired of it. But I don't really know what to change. I wish I could say that I had a plan, that I knew what I could do to make myself feel better, but usually I am miserable. I feel fine at studio, when I am busy and talking to all the people in studio. I might even call them all friends. But I don't like being at home. I don't like it here. I feel somehow trapped, somehow like I can't do anything about my world. Maybe its time I took control of my life. Maybe its time I stood up and said what I want from my life, from my wife, from my home. I am afraid of hurting the balance I have established. I am afraid of churning the smooth waters that are this muddy little pond I live in. But I'm starting to be more afraid of getting stuck here. And that might just be enough motivation to make me start splashing. Maybe this is what I want, maybe not. Maybe I want my wife to fix me dinner, or clean every now and then. Maybe I want to be proud of my life, and not feel ashamed of the choices I have made. Maybe I want to be allowed to just live, instead of always striving for some other person's goals, and maybe I need to let my wife do the same. Maybe I want a little more intimacy in life, maybe I want friends. Maybe its time for some intervention. Maybe it's time I got closer to my wife. Or maybe it's time for a divorce. It's past time for some change, for something to happen to make things different. Maybe better, maybe worse. Maybe is a funny word, but right now it has power. I feel that power, I feel it in my hope for a better tomorrow. I feel it in the dread I have for today. I'm not content, and I want to take responsibility for changing that. Maybe...