I hate to have to come here to vent. But It seems the only place I can talk about some things.

Today I woke up after a very very intense dream. I can't quite figure out its meaning but I dreamed I biologically engineered a daughter (mostly a clone of my wife with some of my DNA) and then watched as she grew up. That would seem well within my realm of normal dreams except that I was super emotionally attached in my dream and that is really unusual. It was the kind of emotional attachment where it hurts to wake up.

That didn't help anything because Caity is going through another round of what carreer will I be today and I feel slightly abandoned by her as of the past few days. I know it's a little selfish of me but I thought we had figured out where we wanted to go in life. That makes her sudden indecisiveness feel like an attack on our future.

To compound all of that I graduate with a useless bachelors in a semester and a half and I have no idea where to go from there. I am pressuring myself to figure it out while at the same time trying not to explode from the stress of making a plan. I think I want to move to st. george to be closer to my brother and a really cheap real estate market but both of those could be really bad moves. I need some real friends and people I can associate with that don't make me feel wierd. My mother told me that's what church was for but I haven't been in nearly a year and I don't really want to change that.

I guess with all that off my chest I just wish life would calm back down. I want to find a nice quiet pace in life and stay there for a while. At least until I can get my feet back under me. With all this stress I find that I'm angry and blame caity for a lot and that puts a real strain on our relationship. I want that gone too. I'd be happy to just have enough money for all the bills and a little play for now.