I'm so pathetic. I'm also quite sick. I spent last night shivering until I fell asleep(I think I had a fever but I don't have a thermometer so I don't know). I woke up and went to the bathroom to pee and nearly fainted. I'll admit that was kind of funny though because mid-way through peeing I started to feel less and less conscious and knowing I was about to faint I rushed my peeing so I could sit down half naked on the bathroom floor. I ate some toast and drank some liquid and it helped. Now I am just trying to take it easy. I am going to marry Caity Jones. Every time I think about it I become super happy and calm and just wonderful. I know it wont be easy but there is no arguing with this kind of peace. I keep thinking about how I am going to tell my parents and trying to find ways to show just how sure I am that this is what I am supposed to do. I also thought about writing Joel and I sound like a heretic anytime I say exactly why I feel I should marry her. I wish I could communicate this kind of joy and peace to them but if it truly is God's will for me, I know things will work out. I'm also super super worried about talking to Caity's dad. I know we are taking things slower but that still has to happen and it stills scares me spitless. I know things will work out, and so I don't worry. I do want everything to be perfect though. This is the girl of my dreams we are talking about. I have so many dreams and so many good feelings and so much joy. I don't know that I have ever felt this good for more than a few minutes. And even though I am sick today, and I told her not to come over so she doesn't catch it, I still feel wonderful. I want this feeling to last forever. And if I have to do a couple of really scary things and make a few people unhappy, I guess I can do that. I hope me selling paintings works out. Because it'll be nice to to have to worry about those. I know God gave me that talent for a reason, I just hope that I can use it to support my family and my dreams. (I'm all responsible and stuff :p) I guess all I am really trying to say is that I feel really good and really close to my god. I also am worried about making all my dreams become realities. But if I am truly doing the things my God wants me to do (which I feel I am) than everything will work out. Everything will work out.