I can't say I would expect anything to go differently. What I can say, is that I am frustrated. I am tired of everyone I know trying to make my choices for me. I am tired of legislation that dictates what I "need" to do, I am tired of businesses and corporations making endless loopholes of things I "need" to buy, and I am tired of people telling me things I "need" to become.

I have spent nearly every shower for the past week ranting to myself (because you can't always sing in a shower) about how a government and its officials are not responsible for leading the people. That may sound funny but any government should be nothing more than a representative of its people. If a government loses that grounding responsibility it should no longer be of any use to the people.

It seams an awfully short jump for big brother to prison warden these days.

Yesterday I listened to a Harvard law professor discuss the theory that backs the current legislative trends. I had no disagreement with the logic behind what he said, only its application. It was depressing. He basically implied that people no longer make good choices, so the government should do it for them. People need to start making better choices...

A couple of weeks ago I went to a bar with my friend in Idaho. I didn't drink or do anything crazy, but one of the girls we went with asked me some very profound questions. It was the first time in a long time that I have felt like someone was actually looking out for me and she was concerned because I wasn't happy. I'm glad I'm not always the only one concerned. I still don't have any answers to her questions, but that night haunts me a little.

I was forced to question everything I lived for, and it frightened me to be so rational and conscious of making decisions that were only safe. I miss not being safe, and in the recklessness, I face my own soul. to know my own will, to see my own yearning. To face death, hell, and the powers that be and not see more than my own reflection as an answer to a burning question. To yield to everything all at once and be free.

Lately I have regretted not doing a little more crazy stuff before getting married. I don't know that it matters, but I don't think I will ever do anything crazy again.

I guess these are all just things I needed to put somewhere. Keep them safe... won't you?