I recorded a part of a song today. An intro with piano, guitar, drums, and a synth-y bass line. I watched all but the first half hour of Atlantis and loved every minute. I was absolutely enthralled by the simple beauty in such a childish (though really great) movie and I noticed the similarities between my future wife and the protagonist's love interest. I wanted to have such a need to share my universe like that. To drag my world into yours and trust so implicitly. To climb to the top of such a beautiful world so effortlessly and feel so freed and empowered. And of course I wanted to see someone a little less cartoon and more substantial slip off their sarong and drag me into the water with them all seductively with as perfect a body as only disney can do (its a shame disney promotes such atypically perfect body types but they are nice). I listened to my intro a lot, and then I called my brother and apologized for not going over yesterday. I felt good for being so nice and I went and played and was a good brother. I want so badly to be better than I can possibly hope to be alone, and I miss being so uncharacteristically amazing. I miss tucking you in at night, and kissing you so hard you forget to breath. I miss your smile and the way it makes me forget to look at the rest of you, to look at anything really. I miss your seductive simplicity, your naivety, the way your face looks when you look up at me all innocently (even when I know your not). I miss seeing you and knowing you love me and that I make you happy. Yesterday night I looked at your old europe pictures. It was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea. I saw you and Steve together and you had clear skin and you looked amazing and you were beaming with happiness, and I couldn't help but feel left behind. I now know what it will feel like to be Steve, and I can't really shake that feeling though I am trying. He is a good guy, and I feel that I have nothing more to offer than him. and I want to remember that you choose me. Thats hard to do alone. I hope your enjoying every minute. I hope your world is as perfect as any can be. I hope the best for all the world and I want it to grow in spite of all the bad. I believe the role of the average man is something like a poem But I being poor, have only my dreams, I have spread my dreams under your feet, tread softly because you tread on my dreams. ("He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven" - W.B. Yeats) I have always treaded softly, have always taken care to not break the crystalline dreams of those around me. Someday I hope to do more, someday I will build a glass palace from those dreams, and someday a world of diamond. I want to move past a world where I simply tread softly, and into a world where I help build those dreams into something substantial. I want to live in a world where we are not competitive, but cooperative. Where we aren't just trying to outsmart our neighbors and catch a break, but where our dreams and talents are shared harmoniously. I understand the idealism and the improbability, but if I can have any measure of this, is it not in my best good to try? Even if I gain nothing, is it not still better that I should die for my ideals, than live for nothing? I believe that some force makes the human populace feel threatened by their own existence, and that we have nothing to fear but our own ineptitudes. But the solution to such fear never was to act out as a wounded dog backing itself into a corner as we do separating ourselves from any held we could hope for. We should build ourselves up like an aspen forest. We should be bound together by our root as a common species, and should give freely for the growth of our community. It is time we changed the world we live in, and while politicians advocate such change, they are powerless to bring it about. We are lazy. We are greedy. We are lost in the pursuit of triviality and we have forgotten what it is to be human. I have only the power to change myself. But I would plead with a dying system, to be a part of a solution. Change is not a political agenda, or a market strategy, or a global project. Change is personal, and if we as a human race expect to survive our own errors, we should find the strength to change now. We cannot survive without one another, so stop trying to outsmart each other, and start caring for each other. Please.