I'm almost out of High School. It's incredible. This has been such a strange journey I just can't believe it will end soon. Where am I going from here?

Okay. I'm gonna cut back on the shitty emo posts. I just got back from Winter Camp. It was amazing. I have re-evaluated my situation many many times. And I think I've got it pretty well down, which makes me feel better about everything. I made some silly mistakes in the past couple months, silly mistakes involving the people I date and the friends I chose to bare my soul to. But it's in the past, I'm over it. Right now is right now. And right now I want some In & Out really bad, damnit Nina. It's been raining. It was raining when I got here, and it was really nice, to just cuddle up in the living room and watch Godzilla and be home. I slept till 1pm today. Haven't had such a good sleep in a long time. And I keep listening to Fix You by Coldplay, damn Kevin and Hannah for that.

No one will ever bring me down the same way I can bring myself down.... I almost feel regret. Regret that I ruin my life, knowing fully well what I'm doing. It's begun to sink in, that I inhibit myself from loving people the way they deserve. But at the same time, I give chances to all the people who don't deserve them. I ruined it. ruined ruined ruined ruined. and He doesn't even know it yet. It's ruined in my mind. ....and I thought I could change. But I can't. I feel sick.

I don't know. It's harsh how you think you know what you want, like boys for instance, then out of nowhere comes a guy who just sweeps you away and in the span of a week everything is changed. I admit nothing. But I'm going to Oakland next weekend. I'm excited. I leave Thursday for Lancaster so Rosi, Jammy, Keena and I can head up there friday together.

I hate how my dad get pissed and throws things, but I hate it even more that I do it too. Why did I have to grow into this? I hate it. I think I want you because you're the only one who ever gave a shit.

I hate how my dad get pissed and throws things, but I hate it even more that I do it too. Why did I have to grow into this? I hate it. I think I want you because you're the only one who ever gave a shit.

JJ and Laura lost thier house to Hurricane Katrina. Now they're living at her parents house with like 25 other people, no food no electricity. I am majorly bummed about this Hurricane business. I'm already starting to go through my closet for clothes to give to the relief fund and I suggest everybody do something of the same nature. I miss the boy. A lot. why does trying to be happy have to be soo painful in the beginning?

God why are people stupid. Honestly. I think there are people on this earth who were only put here as punishment to the rest of us. Andrew McMahon will never cease to rock my world i talked soo much i'm sure i didn't realize i'd gone crazy

I am the girl, and he's the boy. I've got my things, I'm good to go You met me at the terminal Just one more plane ride and it's done We stood like statues at the gate Vacation's come and gone too late There's so much sun where I'm from I had to give it away, had to give you away And we spent four days on an Island at your family's old hotel Sometimes perfection can be It can be perfect hell, perfect... Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean For it to feel like this Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised And don't fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me? Can you make this last? This plane is all I got So keep it steady, now Cause every inch you see is bruised I lace my Chucks, I walk the aisle I take my pills, the babies cry All I hear is what's playing through The in-flight radio Now every word of every song I ever heard that made me wanna stay Is what's playing through The in-flight radio, and I And I am, finally waking up Hours pass, and she still counts the minutes That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean For it to feel like this Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised Don't fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me? Can you make this last? This plane is all I got So keep it steady, now Cause every inch you see is bruised, yeah So read your books, but stay out late Some nights, some nights, and don't think That you can't stop by the bar You haven't shown your face here since the bad news Well I'm here till close, with fingers crossed Each night cause your place isn't far And hours pass, and hours pass, yeah, yeah... Yeah, yeah, she still counts the minutes That I am not there, I swear I didn't mean For it to feel like this Like every inch of me is bruised, bruised And don't fly fast. Oh, pilot can you help me? Can you make this last? This plane is all I got So keep it steady, now Cause every inch you see is bruised, bruised, bruised I'm still counting the minutes.

Today was a mildly good day. But I have to say that dear lord some people are soo gullible. I think I should take a shower right now. So I can sleep in and stuff. Ya know? But then my hair won't be straight. But whatever. Why do I care, honestly? come quick I am losing feeling I am a sucker, for pretty things and pretty words. Bah. Who needs them? Except me? all I need from you could be the thing that leaves us both up here forever

I am tired. But generally content with my last day of freedom for a while. It's 11:30. I just got home. There's a fire on the hillside. And I'm thoroughly convinced that things are going my way. and it's all that I can do to stay with all the things I didn't say to you before you moved across the country and from the burning building where I lay as I watch the stars become the day the LA girls are lacing up their sneakers they run the boardwalks and the beach this fishbowl is all they need it's everything I needed too until I heard the news.......

Oh Sick-B, you are a douche, but I still lurve you. Now that I got that out of the way. Paycheck tomorrow. Movies with Ben and Levi I guess? Fuck this not having a license thing. Day off. Hell yes. So I'm gonna go to bed and try to get a nice nights sleep. School starts soon. The peen princess might not be coming to VTA for the show, I hope she does, I really want her to come even if she IS going to be mooching off of us all night long. I miss her and her "pimp goes out like a Bert"-yness. God Warped was fun. Tiring, but fun. So I still have to find a girl to make out with me at the show, I guess? and I must remind myself to talk to Brian about FM and make sure to make the point that the show would be the difference between me getting laid and me not getting laid (I think that's a language he'd understand, even if it isn't completely true, right) I called Dan the dark, bitter, spawn of Satan today and he didn't bitch me out. He really must be in a good mood, being back home and all. Which is always nice. High heels at work for 4 hours is a no-no. tonight tonight he's gonna get it right even losers can get lucky sometimes all the freaks go on a winning streak in a perfect world all the geeks get the girls I want the geek :o(

Today was by-far the worst of my summer. Today should be erased from the books completely. I just want somebody who I can call after a bad day, and go hang out with. But nobodies like that. Which is quite harsh. But I think I'll live. I hope so at least. Lately I can't seem to get enough sleep, ever. No matter if I sleep 4 hours or 12 hours. It's really lame and I don't like feeling tired all the time. Plus I look like shit 24/7 (normally I don't feel and look like shit at the same time so...) The show is in 10 fuckin' days. I am soo amped and ready for this. Apparently the boys are back in town, which is nice, can't wait to randomly run into one of them. But if Dan almost runs me over with his damn truck one more time I'm going to kill him, personally. I was telling Nina, it's been soo long I am actually missing the way Kai flips his hair when he talks. It cracks me up, and when I see him I'm just gonna bust up. Ahh, love those guys. I don't even want to talk about work right now. I am very very stressed about it. VERY FUCKING STRESSED. I feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack. But I just need to relax and remember that even if I lose this job *knock on wood* I now have experience and it might be easier to get a new one. But let's hope that doesn't have to happen. you want nothing to do with me I don't know what to do with you 'cos you don't know what you do to me I want this to be RIGHT. I want this to WORK. I want him and that's all I think about sometimes. baby is this love for real? let me in your arms to feel the beating of your heart baby

I'm really fucking hungry. But the thought of eating food just disgusts me right now. I can never tell if it's the former Anorexic in me, or just my mind trying to be a rebel. I need to clean my room. Really bad. And I have this new layout for my room to. I'm gonna need to clean, and pack it all up, and get some people over here to takes my shelves out, disassemble my bed....all that good stuff. I'm gonna paint the walls green and yellow, and the bed green, and probably paint the shelves, desk and dresser yellow. All I need to find is a couch (preferably a black one), and a smaller desk. I'm gonna keep my computer on the new desk, and put the tv/dvd/satbox on the dresser across from the couch. Should be wonderful. We'll see :o) First, before everything, I have to clean my fucking room. haha. and I promised cookies at work. So I gotta do that too

45 steps to the liquor store just another breakdown that I can't afford but I can't worry about tomorrow's pain tonight I am really tired of people who feel sorry for themselves. and I am EXTRA tired of people who automatically assume that I am going to feel sorry for them. All I want is my friends, and the boy that I've been thinking about all summer. Every time I see him, it's different, it's better. It's getting there, but not fast enough. Too bad we don't believe in love, ya know? some times I don't know why we'd rather live than die

45 steps to the liquor store just another breakdown that I can't afford but I can't worry about tomorrow's pain tonight I am really tired of people who feel sorry for themselves. and I am EXTRA tired of people who automatically assume that I am going to feel sorry for them. All I want is my friends, and the boy that I've been thinking about all summer. Every time I see him, it's different, it's better. It's getting there, but not fast enough. Too bad we don't believe in love, ya know? some times I don't know why we'd rather live than die

My parents think that I have been very sullen lately. It's not that I'm mad or anything, it's just a combination of a few things. One being that when I'm at home I'm just not happy because it means I'm not out doing something interesting. I'm generally bored here. And I spend all of my time at home on the computer. Ever since I passed that age where I am allowed to have a vivid imagination, my homelife has become horrid. It is also that I'm just tired. Every day I come home from work and I just want something to eat, a little time on the computer, and sleep. And that's it. I get fussy and mean when I don't get one of these things. And these past few days have been those kind of days where I am not getting something. I really wish I could be little and play in the living room with my big stuffed bear Ursula and Tyler (my babydoll) without being questioned. But if I did it now, my parents would look at me like I'm insane. Ugh. I want my paycheck, and I want it to be August 28th so I can go see my AoF boys and have a drink with Rosi and the Norcal girls. But for that to happen, school has to start. Ugh. I need to buy a new lipring. Fuckity fuck fuck. I think I am going to sleep out on the couch tonight. Dunno why, I just feel like it. I am who I am and if you don't like it then fuck you man

Yes. I am still here. With a much better outlook on life I must add. Lucky for me, my self-destruct phase has passed. So things are going GOOD. I am on Summer break, I have a job, a permit, I'm loving my friends right now. I wish I could tell you I have *somebody* in my life, but I don't....that doesn't stop me from loving someone. But hey, we can't get everything we want. And we definetely can't always get back what we've thrown away. Man it took me a while to remember what my name was on SITDiary....haha. I lose. That is all for now :o) I can feel that soo much in this world isn't real and there's some things that you cannot steal tell me what can I do? I need you

ooops. So its been a while, my bad. Not much going on, I'm much better. Taking medication for my stomach problems. School is out in a couple weeks. Otherwise, not much going on at the moment. Gonna get my permit soon :o)

So I'm sick. SICK. Its something like my gallbladder or something...bleck. I went to the doctor today. I have an ultrasound tomorrow. I am unbelievably tired, and my stomach hurts. I got blood taken, and..AHHHHH. *hits sickness with a stick* AOF concert weekend after this. I am SOO stressed. Then... no this is too fucking much. some things you lose, and some things you just give away