She's tried before, and she'll do it again, this can't end good. She's been at it for years now, because maybe she thinks that life just isn't what she wanted it to be. But has anybodies life ever been totally what they wanted. Does it mean she will just die? What could make somebody feel that. She wants to die, maybe she doesn't see what she's doing. She's blinded. She hurts, maybe she doesn't understand that we do to. We can't lose anybody else, I'm not willing to read her obits, I don't want to stand in front of anymore people and tell them how much I loved her, and how much fun we had that one time when I stayed at her house and we played 'house' until almost 3 am....and how I wore the pants she gave me until they had a rip all the way up to my ass. How it was scary to come to High School and find out something changed. Why can't she be the same girl I knew all those years ago, me and her were the tomboys....we fucking owned. But no, now she wants to kill herself. She wants to leave me, she wants to leave us. For every time she's had her stomach pumped my heart aches, and I am continually becoming numb to the fact that one of these days, she's going to get it right. She has seen us hurt, not for her soo much, as for a friend whose already gone. How could she ever think of doing that to us AGAIN? Doesn't she love us enough? Because we love her. I don't want to lose her, but it seems that we're getting to that edge. Here I am backing away, because I don't want to take the fall again, I don't want to love and lose. So this means that maybe now I can slip out of it, quit loving. Then maybe it won't hurt soo bad. Besides, this is all her doing. We all go through life, we all get depressed, we all hurt. I've cried, I've cut, I've swallowed all those pills that seemed to tell me that I could be somewhere better. But its a lie, doesn't she understand what death is? I wish there were words to tell her that its not a game, there are no do-overs, you can't take it back. It almost feels like she's gone already, because she's not the girl I knew, and she's not there anymore. She lied to us. what are you looking for? what are you waiting for? do you know what you're doing to me? go ahead. what are you waiting for?