They don't have a suicidal mood, or a self-abusive one, so that'll have to do. Right now i think i'm going to go punch another hole in my wall, I'm starting to let shit cave in on me again, my head is going to explode some day. My parents, they've been yelling at me for two or three days straight, telling me that I'm not helping, that I'm acting like I don't remember we don't have money. I remember, I remember fucking great, because I'm reminded every single damn day. But then there's mom, telling me that I should try, that she's trying. That's fucking bull, she goes out and buys her fucking beads, and she's pays a shit-load for crap off the internet that we'll never even use. He doesn't care, he plays it off like it's nothing. Still they go about yelling at me, they don't know half the shit I have to go through, I mean, I can't look my best friend in the face anymore without feeling like I'm going to throw up, I can't pretend anymore that I'm happy, and I have to deal with all the mistakes I've made in the past, I have to deal with the fact that I had a fucking eating disorder, but no one knows about it, no one thinks about it. They don't care either, they never will. They still think I'm supposed to be the happy little princess they raised, so I come of as a snappy bitch because I'm not happy anymore, and they don't get that, they don't understand. Two days now, at certain times, I've had to hold back the urge to sock my mom right in the fucking face, yesterday she was mocking me, saying that I ask for too much. I don't ask for anything, I don't make them go out and buy food even when I'm hungry, but she's out buying those stupid beads so that she can make that stupid jewelry that only she wears, fucking stupid bitch. Yesterday my dad yelled at me, for what he thought was slamming a door, I almost broke my finger. Fucking life, fuck the world. I'm really sick of this, I just want to sleep, and not get up, god could only be soo kind, but no. I'll wake up tomorrow, my mom will yell at me again, my dad will make me feel even worse. It's all going to come back, I'm never going to escape this. And I know, no one cares, and I'm happy with that, I don't want anyone to think I'm looking for sympathy, I don't know what it is. I never got it in the past, I won't get it now and I'm better off that way, it's what I know and what I may be content with for the rest of my life.