I'm slipping through the cracks of the floors that I thought were strong. All this time I've grieving...he's been watching... and he doesnt care His email shows who he really cares for:tell Paul my email: xxxxxxxxxxxxx  please then we'll talk Ihate myself for ever falling for him and now I hate him for keeping his secrets and leaving a person he so called "loves" to be haunted against his pretend star. I can't wait till we talk so I can spill every bottled emotion...or maybe I'll just say ok and let the smoke fill our empty spaces....or maybe I should break my promises like he broke his. All my unanswered questions will probably be forever vague...i dont expect the truth. I dont expect anything from him. Not one day has gone past where I haven't thought of him and of course I'll always love him but I think after this I maybe I won't have to deal with the heartache. I wonder if thats what he wants. For me to be a wretch. Talked to my mom today and then my dad decides to ruin my rare momment of happiness. "Your mom and me aren't going to be here the week of your birthday so your going to be staying at Audrey's." I slamed the door and stormed to my room as my dad told my mom on the phone "She's upset." Upset is putting it mildly. I get to spend my sweet 16 in the HOT devil's torture chamber. Pssh... and with my dumb ass, blue assed, 2 penis BROTHER! UGH! If it wasn't for music I wouldn't be here. I hate when ppl tell me "you have bad taste in music" because music is beautiful because of how its interpreted by the listener and just because someone doesn't like it doesn't mean its not good or meaningful. I like everything...and I guess because I'm black, ppl think its weird that could ever like Rock and Metal yet still keep it real with HipHop and R&B. To really love music you have to have an appreciation for it all. music is my life I devour walkie talkies. Cure to boredom. I'm talking some random guy a mile away. idk how he got on my channel. He's probably like a murder tracking down my house right now. My dad talked to him, but he just thinks its funny. ...ugh I didnt expect any1 to get the last entry. What I wrote ISNT ME...I mean I wrote it, but its not all true. It was just a story I wrote today when I was bored. Everything was an illusion. If I wrote something it meant the opposite of something. I didn't want to just come and say what I was writing about so I disguised it. I dont have any plans for 2morrow other than going to the library for 2 hours or so im a dork