Everytime I cross this breaking line...I always think 'its okay, everything happens for a reason' and I'm just trying to believe and await for the right momment. Sometimes I want to just end me...but then there's something there behind me, making sure I don't slip too far behind and I'm stronger than I was before. (Maybe I'm just growing up). I remember what she said to me, "If you really want to die, you wouldn't be here right now" ... and that did hold true. I would try....i would cry...I would stop... I would rest on it. artifical misery? It's like finally I have something I created that won't decolorize. Something I worked hard for and for once I did it alone. Finally I have something to live for...Finally I'm depending on myself than other people to make me happy. I'm a really sensitive person and i guess none of my friends realize that. They do things that makes me think they don't care if I died tomorrow and I'm so hurt but I leave my baby tantrums for my dreams to deal with and to their face I pretend like everythings okay. I'm sick of pretending No one has ever understood me... If you expect the worse, you'll never be disappointed My soon to be sister comes tomorrow. I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm really unsure of myself right now. I'm nervous. I just want to turn back time, way before her mother was diagnosed with the disease. It's like the realization didn't really kick into to me that she was dead until I came out of shock....she's really gone. My aunt is gone...