he wants to invoke my feelings with words that i could seduce any man to simply say so may i define transparency when i nod my head knowing nothing has changed. I'm looking for that extra distance in his eyes, because all I feel is betrayal waiting for another perfect moment. he doesn't want to let me l e a v e but I have fallen out of love and the only thing clear i can see is an ambulance. everyday i ask myself why am i still letting him in my life.... he deserves to suffer and beg and crawl and cry without the voice and love of me. I don't know if I am holding on to something that once was, or if I'm just- really- that- fucking- foolishly nice. But so far my words and actions have shown I am the love he can count on. i sometimes wonder if he is the type of person to rob my dead body.