push your fingers back, using only your mind. On friday I went to see my friend of 11 years graduate. I cried before the graduates even came out. I had thought of that moment for the longest time. I used to think of us being seperate and the thought would nearly kill me. And then somewhere along the line we grew apart, even though we were still friends. It's just weird to know someone since you were 6 years old, stepping up to get their diploma to take a new step in their life. But I also cried b/c I realized how fucking scared I am now... b/c I know that next year that's going to be me. It's not that I'm worried that I won't make it because independance is what I've been rebelling for since I learned to walk. But I'm just scared...yet excited and anxious. I've never really looked that far beyond TODAY. And at that moment I was so used to living my life from the past, that once I opened my eyes to what could be, I just got scared and confused from the norm. Seeing all my friends graduate really made me want more than what I thought was important to me. Now I don't even want "it" anymore. I realized I haven't really lived at all.