Frustration leads to Sorrow. Thinking has led me to the point I am now. Unfortunately at the moment I don't think anything is worth my time, I'm apathetic about every subject I can think of. My past is coming back and bothering me until I break. It's definitely winning. I don't want to fall into the same thing I was in a few years ago. I want to be stronger, but I'm afraid I'm just going to figure out I'm weaker. Of course, I haven't given up yet, but I'm barely winning this battle. I don't want to hurt again, I want to put up the wall back up. The one I've kept down for a few months. Today, people on the bus caught a glimpse at the wall. It was as if I wasn't there, or at least that's what Sarah told me. She said that she knew I was physically there, but she just couldn't pick up any vibe that I was there. I just sat there for a whole two hours staring at the seat. Thinking about mindless things. Letting past memories flow through my mind until I finally just let the tears fall. I hid them well, though. But what's going on? I feel as if I should be better and I'm not living up to my expectations and I just want to give up.. right about now. But I wont because I'm too stubborn. Gah, I want to succeed but it seems so hard. And I know that if everything starts to go down the drain that it has to go up sometime, but what if I can't wait that long? Ugh, my mind is just messed up and so is everything else.