Christmas around the corner, and eight days of novena have past. And the only thing I've asked for christmas is strength. I need my mother to regain her strength because I've realized she's the corner stone of this family. Not just of us four, but for our extended family as well. Everyone looks up to her and expects her to get through everything. Which in normal circumstances, she can. But since Grandma died last year, and her brother broke her heart when he came to visit, things have changed. Now that my grandpa is ill, and there's nothing we can do. I can't help but wonder how we're going to get through this. With out her being strong, how on Earth will we be strong? But that's my one wish this christmas, I want her to regain her strength. I want her to love life again and run around annoying the shit out of everyone. That's who she is, and with out that... how am I supposed to be who I am?

Heh. Which brings me to something else. Over the christmas break, I've realized how much I am like her. When I first realized it though, it worried me beyond reason. Me? Like my insane mother? But something changed, now I enjoy the fact that I'm so much like her. Yeah, she's got her faults, but everything else makes up for it and more. I mean look at the last paragraph. How can such a small woman take care of her ill father, her routine-loving husband, her confused son, and her overwhelming daughter (the one who doesn't make little fuck ups, but big ones). Who on earth could deal with all that and be happy. And not to mention the rest of her family. AND not to mention the immense culture clash she still deals with everyday. Her coming from a sexist country, where the man did everything and the woman just watched. She rose from that, married, had children, and raised them in 37264163643872 different countries. Learning a new language in each of those damn countries. I mean, seriously... damn. She's gotta be superwoman, right? Well, now guess what... I'm beginning to be like her. And hell yes, I'll fly and fight evil one day. And I'll be goddamn proud of it.

And as for guys, which has been my main focus through out this internet diary, fuck them. They'll come and go, and one will finally stay for the rest of my life. And if he doesn't, so what? I can live with out him or with him. Doesn't matter, but what ever life throws at me, I'll throw it back ten times harder.

By the way, Merry Christmas.

Especially, you, Carrie.