I made up my mind.

Not for one option or the other, but for what was better in general. Option one was holding me down and not giving anything in return. Nothing changed with him, and actually, he just got me in deep shit. But I didn't care enough anymore. I didn't feel like waiting, I didn't feel like anything with him. Everything was bland and boring and I didn't want that.

While option two is still open, well maybe. But I don't want to push it. If it happens, great. If it doesn't, I still have an amazing friend who I can rely on.

Right now, I just need to focus on what's in front. Which is college applications, IB program, and most importantly of all my friends and my family. I need to finally need to make deep connections with my friends because I know there are no others like them. And I need to get over my fear of getting too close, because if I don't... I'll just end up pushing them all aside.

So goal for my life right now is to be me and accept the things that life hands me.

Make lemonade out of the lemons being chucked at me. Heh, if I catch them that is.