Well fuck, fuck, fuck.

Adam and I broke up, correct? Correct. Well that was a while ago. Things that have happened since.

-Regionals I met Jacob. He was absolutely wonderful. He came down to see me from another state, and everthing went well. This was great. I thought I had a shot, but he just dropped me. He was too busy and I can see that. But I think he doesn't like me as much as he says he does.

-Spring break. I kissed a family friend's son. We've had this not so serious thing going on on the weekends. And it isn't all too bad. But the summer is coming up and its around the corner and we had said we'd talk about maybe making it serious. Gf/bf style. I say no.

-Beach weekend. I was with the frat and got slightly intoxicated. I kissed a brother. I just craved a warm body. But whatever. He asked me out on a date and we went. It was nice. And we kissed. But there was nothing else. It was like I was just going through the motions.

-Ex boyfriend. I met up with him this weekend, and when we were together we were fine. Great actually. All the feelings came back. But the moment I got to Clemson. Gone. That's not right, ya know. So there's no potential there.

-Now there's Chestley. No.

-Russian grad. No

-Danielle. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. She came out of the blue. So obviously, I've been playing the field. Right? Yes. I was in a relationship for 2 years with a guy who wanted to know my every move, thought, action, everything. He didn't trust me. And well, what ever. It just wasnt all that great. So I was planning on being single and just playing the field. Well, here is Danielle. I've had a crush on her since I met her, so since last semester while I was pledging. But the great thing was that I wasn't pursuing it. Right? Just look and feel, but dont touch. That was my stance on it. But she was a serious instigator on that front. Any who, now that I was single, she seemed like she wanted to hang out. ESPECIALLY since she bitched me out for breaking up with my ex when she was plastered. So we hung out, flirted. It was great. Then one of her roommate's girlfriend told me that she was seeing someone. I backed off. Which was good. Ya know, I try to be good. But we flirt on Monday. And I slip up. I made a comment and called her cute. And instead of backing down and playing it off (which was probably what I should have done), I ended up telling her I liked her. Awesome right? No. We hung out last night. Now that shit was fucking amazing. But she kept pushing me away and then back. I was confused. Especially since I asked her about girl and she told me things were rough and that her girl had cheated on her. I , being blind and ridiculously distracted, thought that meant they were no longer together. At least for a bit. Heh. No. And she told me this in the middle of hanging out. Now what I should have done was walk away. But no, I was hooked. Gah, it was just a crush. But the moment I kissed her and touched her, it was so much more. I'm hooked. I told her I'd go with the flow, what ever she wanted. And I mean I will. But it would have been easier if it was just a crush. Now I can't get her out of my head and I just want to see her. Just see her. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Well, at least I realized that I am dropping everyone else, but her. I'm not "taken", still free as a bird; but she's somewhere I'd love to come back to. I would have a relationship with her. For real. Crazy, maybe. But its okay. I just gotta stick through this. I'd rather fall for her, and her not catch me; than having someone fall for me and me not catching them.