with all indian men (almost) and with you... life is the same everyday. where's the spontaneity? is there something im missing? because if there was, it would sure explain a lot. a lot a lot. just a thought....but prob me being crazy AGAIN im a liar. just so you know. so, in short, dont believe me. and im a bad liar, so if you did believe me, wow. except on this, now im not lying. and please dont be like omg nish all your friends love you. if you do thanks. but this is how i feel. today has been a disaster and a half. the only good thing about today was getting to meet anne ryman from the az republic. and work was actually kinda fun today too. and starbucks with lindsay was much-needed, thank you linds! umm i dont wanna go into detail. i dont think people understand how much i dont wanna be president of seeds anymore. because our club sucks ass. and membership is bad and committment is so effed up i dont even know why the eff i waste my time each week. i think i have a problem. ok well that i know. and somehow im getting that feeling of aloneness and i can feel myself getting back to the way i was a few years ago. and i promise that was bad. i dont wanna go back there, but im spiraling down to it quickly. and i have never felt more alone. ever. i'm pretty sure i've even lost my appetite. can't eat. and can you believe it...I am actually getting sick of this diary thing. because everything and everyone's fake on it. no matter how much you tell someone you think they're great on sit, its NO substitute for telling them in person how much you love them. which i need to start doing. and i will, starting tomorrow. and i cant do seeds on valentines. especially with the people in the group. cannot happen. so unless there is a miracle by the grace of god in the next 7 days to make me change my opinion about the holiday (which if there is, ill only know then, but still i doubt) im so done. so done. i really dont think you people understand. so i dont think i should try to make you. im so on a major lack of sleep. chicken soup for the soul...here i come. i never thought i'd say this, but i actually enjoyed getting advice from adam today. thats right folks, im getting advice from an 8th grade boy. go me! gold star of the day=lindsay curtis. thank you for everything. and nadia=i love you and i miss you a lot. i want my family to be here. them folks from india/dubai that is. love to some, Nish edit~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ oh man my tutoring kids are so coming through for me. gotta love 'em. edit 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ umm i just talked to my dad for like an hour. and it was soo good and im so glad i could talk to him because i def did not consider that a possibility. and i love my dad so there!