you know, they always say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. i think its true. anyway so im so insanely tired, im pretty sure i cant function. not well, anyways. but what else is new? im in a weird place in my life, very confused, very frazzled. there's this one thing goin on... and i honestly dont know what to do because i change my mind everyday. more like every hour. lol well two of the hours especially. and there are lots of differing opinions around me. i think its so funny how you can be so amazingly close to a person, but still be on completely opposite sides of an issue. i just kept quiet today, didnt wanna get into something big that i'd have to actually talk about. so i was in tok today, just sitting there, and looked over at the board. my name was written there and i looked at it. and it was like one of those big epiphanies. i saw me and everything that came with the name. bad and good. and it was honestly a lil terrifying. call me weird if you want to, but its true. sad actually. ive been noticing people more. like not just the person but the real them...humanness. its kinda hard to explain. happened in tok as well when kathryn was presenting. and then i turned to look at someone else and i just...like didnt see them that i see everyday. but i saw something else. it was weird... like...hmm dont know how to explain it. at all. its like i saw the ...cliche i know...beauty within them. Kathryn and I are strong, competent women with unshakable poise. we decided that today in history. except my poise is so shakable, in fact im pretty sure it happens everyday. but shhhhh im calling it unshakable. and i love when you are just doing something and you look up to see the cutest thing ever. oh and i love...i know ive said this before...but it happened today. when you get a voicemail message thing and someones like hey its me...and you know who me is. LOVE it. ok now you can call me weird. im tired. soooo tired. i wanna see bride and prejudice tomorrow night. sooooo bad. that's all i wanna do tomorrow. go see that movie. is that asking too much? no didnt think so. time for me to sleep. the seeds event is this weekend. George is coming. i dont think you realize how excited i am. but once you meet him, you'll know. omg. just so you know, this sucks. but i love you! Nish