im in a really weird mood right now. I just finished watching darr with sheida, and although i should have been like ewww hes evil he should die, i found myself not only feeling sorry for him, but even empathizing a little (no sheida not the carving name in flesh part). But i got a little scared that i felt bad for him and knew to a much lesser degree what he was feeling. he loved her and did anything he could possibly do to get her. He was insane, sure, but he was doing it because he loved her. I better not end up like that... bc that would be really scary. and since the dvd of songs that i have is up here, im gonna watch that. ive decided that this whole love thing... is just not for me. Well... thats not true and i know it, but i feel that way right now. Everything in the world is holding me back from the one person i really wanna be around. And i dont even love him...not the way i did before anyway. Now its different. and it wont ever be the same. too much has happened. when im with him, im just peachy, in the best mood, but when im not, just thinking about him makes me want to cry...like now. And all this has happened this year. well not exactly, but it seems that way. Ive decided that this whole best friend thing isnt for me either. There are so many people in my life that im close to, and to call any of them better than another...well ok the truth? i dont think they should be called best friends if i am able to for them what they can but wouldnt do for me. And this is definitely talking about more than just one person. Speaking of friendship, i feel like i have been a really crappy friend to a lot of people lately. Im sorry if i have, my life has taken some unexpected turns lately, and its just hard to get it all in. I know i was supposed to do stuff with like 5 other people this break that didnt happen. Im sorry. Now im off to go question why this is all happening to me now...sr. year. Why could this not have happened sophomore year and saved me 2 years of pain? No that would be too easy. It's been so long, i dont know how to play the game anymore. Nisha PS-note new pic! still from the best song ever *DDLJ*