i havent posted in awhile... just went on a little tour of the colleges in this part of the country...east coast...and now im back, and have a lot of issues on my mind. this right now is a good place for me to get them out. i really need to do this vent, so if you're here to criticize, look for another of the hundreds of online diaries, id prefer you dont bother reading this one. 1. parents i dont even know what to say except that i cant deal with mine. always, all the time talking of grades, SATs, college... in case i didnt already know that i fucked up my jr. year and prob wont get into most of the schools i saw and liked, they kindly remind me every day (but in slightly lighter terms). i did what i did and nothing anyone does or says now can change it. 2. cant even title it i wonder why its so hard to explain everything im feeling... i mean i can describe them in single words, but one word really doesnt mean much, right? wtf, ill give it a try...here goes.. nevermind, i dont even know what to type. i wonder sometimes that if i were to disappear if people (at least certain ones) would even know im gone. kinda like everyone in az now... i wonder how many actually noticed im not there. anyway... im just in a really weird mood right now... cant think of anyone but one person.... must stop now. useless to try. nows where none of you know really who im talking abt bc its all about freinds from NJ and stuff. kiran is just the best friend any person can ask for...we are like sisters, grew up together since we were 3. i actually dont know who else i felt i needed to say anything about... aditya is better than last time where he said about 2 words to me.. actually this time i had no idea what to talk to him about... i felt bad tho bc evenwhen he said goodnight, i didnt respond (i murmured bye) and i assumed id see him this morning and we could talk... but i woke up to see him leaving the driveway. so w/e... makes no big diff to me. i know im not going to india soon, but if i could see one person right now, that would have to be nikhil... i really miss him and i really need to talk to him now, because i feel like im losing my mind. seriously, if i was given one wish, it would be to see nikhil now. because somehow, even though we never get to talk unless im there, something about him makes me feel ok even when im not, and from a brother, thats all i want. i really wanna come home now, i miss my life there. not that i dont like everyone here, but i miss everyone. ive talked to a few people, very briefly though. parker was supposed to call tonight... but i highly doubted he would...(no offense). and im bored and just wish that someone would remember me. i know it sounds kinda weird, but i think that's the best way i can put it...i wish someone would remember me. damn....mind going back to thinking about same person... time to go now, before names start slipping out. most likely, names dont even need to be named. good night.