so last night after seeds i wrote and it deleted. then i re-wrote and was half asleep by the end, and instead of hitting save, i clicked the thing for Thompson's diary. and it just didnt save. tehe (side note: i just called sophie abt econ and she SINGS on her voicemail. twas quite beautiful) anyway lets just do the highlights of yesterday. hadnt slept all sunday night...so was running liek 36 hours w/o sleep. was very tired and katie, shelbs, and stephen woke me up in like every class. took care of berens daughter for like 15 mins while meeting my econ group. then brought her back up... she was rather bitter bc mock trial bores her to tears and she wanted me to stay up there with her, but i couldnt. i felt bad. after econ, i meandered back to eileen's room and while laurie was reading in the hallway, she and i had a nice chat. its funny how we talk abt NOTHING yet still it makes my life a bit less stressful. uhh off to work for me (i was late so i had to change shirts in the car...twas rather interesting) and lets just say adam, austin, graham, and taylor are quite the bunch. if they added kyle to the mix, i may have had to die. but it was ok. rushed home to seeds, which was FUN! basically bc i think joe fisher is the coolest guy ever. i actually can positively say that THAT was the most productive meeting ever. we are gonna get that $15,000. we are. and the winning team gets a prize. which we will sooo get, wont we stephen? i still have to email out the list of stores, and susan hasnt sent me the donor forms yet. so after some seeds and E.PEI coming up here and reading stuff in my room which he shouldn't have, and after some spanish subjunctive, i got online. the whole sit diary entry fiasco happened, and then i lay down for like 2 mins. apparently i was that tired that i was out like a light. my mom tried intercom-ing, knocking, and even called the phone in my room. in fact i dont even remember waking up and getting changed and actually into bed under the covers. but apparently i did. so this morning i woke up and had nothing done. at all. and i flipped a shit. today was rather interesting. im beginning to think school is hopeless for me. greenawalt is impossible and parker's class (english, not ToK)...eff it. it is sooo over my head and i feel so incredibly dumb in that class because i cant contribute and she knows it. then off to do some cool stuff with shelby and max. we learned about hanukkah from max's dad. twas fun. schindler's list was sooo sad though. i know that was the biggest time-waster ever. dont lecture me about it PLEASE. i called my mom to say i wasnt gonna be home for dinner (ate chicken and soup and applesauce at max's). she was all irritable and told me basically that im a failure. in better terms, but i knew what she was getting at. i was listening in psych today (for a change not sleeping or laughing with shelbs) and was listening to when we were talking abt birth order. and when he said something abt the youngest having to live up to the expectations set by the older one. i really think its the other way in this house. no joke. i know they dont do it openly, but they do compare us. i know they do. i KNOW it. i feel gross. like my room is a mess, im a mess, my BINDER is a mess. i thought shelbs was gonna shoot me lol before 2nd hr but i escaped, and then i got to 2nd hr and thought james was gonna shoot me. thats another thing. its hard being friends with people who are better than you at EVERYTHING. or close. most things. it sucks. thats it. and stephen wants to read NOW. so im done. love nish