My eyes are open. I can barely focus. I'm feeling ok. I should probably get something to eat. Yeah, or maybe later I'll get something from the canteen. Good plan. OK, what's next? Shower, then brush teeth, shave, get dressed and apply deodorant sparingly. Now i'm really feeling ok. Cold still air, there's frost on the grass. Muscles are a little sore, but they are like that first off, once they warm up the pain will fade into warmth. Sharp breaths? Breathe slower man. Don't over exert yourself, you don't want to get there all sweaty, that's not cool. Says who? Dude it's for your benefit. My ears are fucking freezing. I wish I had muscles there. Hah, my hands are too cold to lock it up. Push harder Harry. Ah, there we go. Just like Uncle Martin always says, just get a little angry and you'll find you can do it. I suppose he'd know too. Look at those kids without their helmets on, is hair that important to feeling secure? I guess safety is less important than looking good to some people. I'm happy to be here I think. Am I? Yes. Definitely. Sure. Ok, well time to get on with it son. Man why aren't I concentrating on what I'm doing. This is important for my future. All I can think about is some girl. She fills my head. Gah. Put her in a box Harry, and put that box in the corner of your mind, go to your calm place. Purple Grass. Crystal Brook. Uncle Martin smiling his cocky smile. The feeling of wind whipping at my face. The silence. Open the door to concentration Harry. It's the hardest one to open, its right beside the box. You can do it. Well I survived till now. Lunch time I think. Yes there sounds the bell. A knell? Hah, only if choose to embarrass myself. What am I talking about? I have no choice in the matter. I'll check out the far line at the canteen. Its more likely she will be there. I think she is, she's not at her eating spot. I don't see her here. Oh well. Maybe tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow. In fact, tomorrow is very soon. Maybe Monday. Ok Monday. I wonder if she likes waffles. I hate it when they presume you want to warm them up and go ahead and do it. Shouldn't I have the choice? Where is my choice? Is it not my money they want? Why would they not want to encourage my spending by adhering to my every whim. Alex was unusually jittery today. Maybe he's facing the same dilemma. I should ask him. Do boys talk about these things? Maybe i'll stick to the unknown. A chickens choice Harry. What if he wants to ask her too? No, he wouldn't be able to see past her capricious demeanour. I can. I looked into her eyes. I saw a tremble. Then she sneered. Why? Maybe she's afraid of weakness. I don't want her to be afraid of anything. I should tell her how I feel. I should talk to her. I should cross the void. Take a leap of faith or is it fate? Something from the corner of my eye is calling me. That hair do. Why is she waiting all alone. Her friends are always there. Is this it? Do I go now? Is this the chance? She's turning to me. Why is she crying? DO SOMETHING HARRY! TALK TO THE BLEEDING LASS! EXCHANGE SOUNDS! ITS NOT HARD! 'Ummm, are you alright? Do you want a tissue? I don't have any, I use my jersey... I can go get some, so do you want some? Why are you crying? Where are your friends?' She doesn't want to talk to me? Maybe i'm hideous to her. Maybe i'm the reason she cries so. Her face is telling me so much. Why can she not express it. She's scared. She's about to fall. I should hold her. I should help her. I should tell her. 'I'd conquer the world for you. You know that? Stop crying, or cry harder, but don't be silent. Please. I want to help you.' 'You can't help me Harry' 'why not? I don't see how i'm inept, I can listen. I can wipe away your tears. I can hold your hand. I can fight your demons with you. I want to. I don't want to walk past you and stay silent tomorrow. I want to be a person to you. I want acknowledgement.' She seems to be in decision? Or is that hysterics? I wish I had more experience with other humans. Emotions are so hard to control, and show. There are about a thousand right there on her face. Which one do I choose to react to? Maybe she is unable to control herself anymore. Should I take her to sit? She does seem weak at the knees, or am I just perving? 'Ameline, do... do you want to come with me? We can sit down and talk? Or we can just sit down. Or we can stand. Or you could just keep ignoring me. And I'll bike home. And then tomorrow I'll go back to anonymity, and you can go back to popularity.' 'No, let's go. To the field. Please. Slowly. Hold my arm.' Ah a decision after all. The field? Maybe she remembers me after all. She is shivering. Maybe I should give her my coat? That's what leading men do in movies. Does it happen in real life? Or is it more significant than just keeping someone warm. Maybe I am inept. 'Thank you. I'm sorry you have to see me like this. Haha, it must be a real shock for you to see that I am capable of emotions other than A-grade Bitchiniss.' 'heh, no. I've always thought you weren't monotonous. Maybe a little robotic. And a little fierce. Are you ok? Do you... want my jacket, I mean you're shivering and your legs have goose bumps... so I thought maybe you were cold.' Her eyes are welling up again. And her lips re trembling. Do it anyway. She wants it. 'yes. Thank you, Harry. My kilts in the wash. So I had to wear my skirt.' 'can I hold you?' she is as I remember. Maybe slightly colder. Four years, since our last embrace. I feel alive. I feel empty of thought. All I can do is feel. This is the definition of alive. 'you remember the last time we we're here, Harry? Hah, listen to me sob, I'm pathetic.' 'not so pathetic, its just what happens.' 'Harry, i'm sorry. I'm sorry for being so fucking superficial. All this time I've wanted to have you in my life. I've wanted you more than anything those stuck-up bitches could ever give me. I've been a total loser. And I, well maybe I've had it coming and its just desserts now.' 'I'm sorry I took so long to talk to you Ameline. But I thought you would never want me again. I thought I could get on with life without wanting you. I thought I could put you in a box and forget about you. I'm sorry for not being brave and for always thinking and not doing. I'm so full of shit. I'll understand if tomorrow you don't want to talk to me. But I want you to know, right now, I'm the most alive I've ever felt. You make me feel incredible. Only you.' Don't just look at her man. Express it. Give her the 'ol Harry M. Lloyd special. Heh. Her face is shining. Her eyes are closed. Her body is against mine. Her blood is coursing through her body. Her heart is beating fast . My heart is beating faster still. We are together at last. Close your eyes man. Embrace this feeling. This is the closing of the circle. 'ah, I'll never forgive myself Harry if you don't know why. I want you to understand. I want you to accept me now. And forgive me.' 'well, don't tell me everything Amel. Not all at once anyway. Tell me enough to make me understand.' Maybe she's just deciding how to begin. I don't know. Time is the only thing I can think of. But I've waited so long already. Well then what is another five minutes to me? Hah, i'll be a statue soon. She's stopped shivering. And sobbing. Maybe she's coming to grips with whatever it is. 'Harry, today before lunch, I was given a note from the runner to visit the counsellors office. It said "Ameline Brimworth, Period 3, class G14, Urgent to the counsellors." Well I went there. Mum was in the room sitting in a chair with her head looking down at her shoes. The counsellor was reading a newspaper, I guess he was waiting for me.' 'keep going Amel, get it out. Accepting what's happened is very important.' 'Yes Harry, that's what the counsellors said too. Harry, there was a car crash, my brother Pete, and dad were driving to creche. The Police told the counsellor that he wasn't speeding. He wasn't to blame. Another man coming from the opposite direction swerved to dodge a kid chasing his ball. The man and his car collided into dad and Pete, dad's car was spun sideways. The man was killed instantly. And dad too. Pete was still alive though. His kiddie seat had saved him. A car behind dad was following to closely. It didn't stop. Pete was crushed.' I feel empty. All the happiness I just had, is draining away and seeping out through my pores. Ameline is white. Maybe she's going to faint. I'll hold her tighter. She is shivering again. Her hand is trembling in mine. She's so soft. I can't help myself. And yet she doesn't resist. 'Harry, help me, I waited for you. I stayed at school. I thought you could help me. you are the only one who I can let myself go to. Make me feel something Harry. Make me feel alive again. I'm sick of not knowing. Harry. I... always...' 'sshhh Amel. Hold tightly. I wont let you go. I'll be here for you, now, tomorrow, as long as I live. I'll help you. Hold you. Look after you. Don't be scared, look into my eyes, you're safe. I love you.' 'Harry, come to the ball with me...please?' 'Heh, i was just going to ask you,today...or tomorrow. i'll go with you, if you promise to go with me' 'I promise.'