i was talking to my friend today at work, and on the way home. he has gone sober. me too. we were discussing why two people independently chose to do something and if they had similar reasons. turns out sorta. my friend gets depressed for like the following week after a big night out (10+) and was sick of doing dumb shit and not owning it. e.g. i didnt fuck her i was drunk so it didnt matter... he thinks that now, he knows it was his choice to get drunk and so he is owning all the dumb drunk shit he did. and he doesnt want to have to make that choice. just for now atleast anyway.

i feel like everytime i say to myself, ill just have one or two, i end up drinking myself into oblivion, but if i say ill have one bottle of wine and thats it i tend to be ok. if i can put an upper limit and be satisfied its ok. but the other night i did that. i had a bottle of wine. in fifteen minutes. good choice man. i was fucked. anyway i did some dumb shit. and i was feeling like i had betrayed myself, and basically i thought fuck it just dont drink like that anymore. i have one beer, and i always want one more. the only time i stop is when im driving. bah.

alcohol is so powerful. its the most powerful drug we have because its so readily available. you can buy it in a corner store. you can buy it at restaurants. super markets. there are designated places where people go to partaking in abusing alcohol, read: bars. what other drug has this luxury in our society? none! not even smoking is in bars anymore... why don't beer bottles come with health warnings on them like a pack of cigarettes do. just as leathal when over indulged.

the only restriction on alcohol is age. AGE! not quantity, quality, supervision, or any other form of restriction that other less potent drugs recieve. how much dumb shit do we actually do on acid or cocaine? just as much dumb shit as we do on alcohol. not only that cannabis is illegal, but sativa is legal, a drug which gives one of the most intense trips out, even more mind-altering and unattached than lsd or mushes or dmt which are all severly illegal... i dont know.

how can you deal with the alcohol issue... online buying only? higher age restriction? it needs to be dealth with soon. so many people are ruining themselves, me included. i keep reading about it and seeing tv docos on it. its so appalling youth drinking blah blah blah... not actually doing anything about it though!!!

so yeah going to stay away from heavy drinking till i feel like i am in a happy place about it. or until i feel like i can have a beer and not need a second one.

or until i finish all my pot and need something else to do during the afternoons :)

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i think its about time to let it all go

let the words flow and let the world know

i been up in this crib for about twenty years

been doing my thing been overcoming my fears

breaking em down, and discoverin new ones

looking at myself saying oh what have you done

but being at peace and accepting myself

moving on and stacking memories upon the top shelf

learning here and there learning how to share

learning to control the fears and cry the tears

talking to the man, and letting him see

see a young man become a man when he turn 23

im a hit next year runnin, be heads down tails up

and im a get it all done and have time to holla whatsup

to be with my friends to be with my family

im going to do it all, im a be a man for eternity