got into some emotional trouble now im stuck in a rut. courtney emailed me asking how i was and how come i hadnt said anything to her yet. i replied saying that i wasnt being lazy and that i just didnt think i was over her yet and didnt want to get fucked up about it. guess what? now im fucked up about it. COOL. i told her i wasnt going to talk to her until i was ready. Now im back to where i was during the first couple of weeks, except its worse because its been so much longer since i've seen her. swings and roundabouts right? this could just be a phase in the fixing of my heart. it sure hurts a lot though. hopefully it doesnt last that long, and im back on the right track. i never said i was over her yet, but i was thinking that i was close to not being in love anymore. now i just dream about and think about it all the time. and its so not helping me because i have way toooo many assignments piled up for me to finish. my head isnt big enough for all this pressure. pretty akward at the flat at the moment, as i finally vented how i've been feeling all year about the shitty hygiene coinditions my flatmates seem quite happy to live with. one positive is that im so fucking dirt poor. thats not the positive. one positive is that im back into the the fitness routine and am totally LOVING IT. but im so fuckin dirt poor. shit man. so. poor. i really hope i can finish this year proud and satisfied with my uni work. there's only eight odd weeks to go. or less. six? dying to live, living to die