true bliss is like a moonbeam kiss, and so peacefulness lasts until you speak of remiss

like the grey mist of my journeys to school, you words cling to me and chill me to the bone

no jumper or jacket or parka or sweater can warm me like the northfacing basalt stones that i climb

which we share for which now i can only return with you in mind, and instead of nothingness and peace

i am left with echoes of your encouragement and vivid memories of your face crinkling and squinting

you could hide your eyes from the sun but you couldnt hide the pain in your eyes when we were alone

when we were alone your mind was open like the desert skies and i could see the rain clouds approach

and i knew it was a storm but i didnt know to be prepared i didnt know anything

maybe i could have watched its gusts loose strength and pass by as a gentle breeze but i knew not the words nor the actions to amend

and you would not explain. you would not try to mend with me, to heal up and swallow down my pills of love and warmth and peace. i offered you peace. mustnt i offer more? what more can one have?

and still the storm came and went. and i was left on the far bank of a freshly carved canyon of unrest and you were an ant to me on the otherside. but we shared the same roof. and you would come to me for protection yet.

for to stay awhile was enforced not by will but by circumstance. and i would agree, perhaps we could fill our canyon with water and sail across to each other and smile and tack and billow and the peace we could have. we could've had.

but i was remiss. i did miss those chances. oh how i missed those chances. you would give more and more until you are spent like my patience with criminals. and yet am i not a criminal? but one who steals hearts and does not care for them proper.

one would let his hearts pile up around him and let them beat in unison with his own. they are fooled and they can not hear another heart beating so they are content that we are alone.

i cannot say more. but sorry. from everyone peaceful moment i have i would give to you in repentance and every moment to come i would give knowingly that i have wronged and continue to wrong even in absence of presence. in absence of love. in absence of pressure and release.

i am so sorry. you were the first one i loved. and i didn't know what it meant. and i ... i will be more precious now. i think i have learnt this lesson. the start. the laws to the heart.

i think i love you still. but does that count? it is more a haunting love than a reality. it is my ghost, for my error. but it is not always an error. sometimes it is just the way it happened.

i dont know anymore. do it, and know. don't do it, do not know. which is best?