so... about five days ago i ruptured my achilles tendon. about three days ago i told my girlfriend i loved her. about one day ago i had surgery and my tendon has been repaired. about one hour ago i got home from the hospital. first of all, ouch! not even drugs can truly mask the pain of having stuff broken to bits inside of you. but in saying that, they do a good job compared to toughing it out, which actually isnt that fun, nor macho. so the bad news is i am not allowed to run for about 8 -12 months, so rought summer next year i can get back into it... MAYBE, awesome. so the good news is that i am in love for the first time. which is good because right now, headspace isnt that good, but the love thing sorta making life bearable. i think everything is gonna be alright. it will take me awhile to adjust to being a cripple. and i hope to face up to the fact that i wont be able to do the sort of things i dream of doing with my body... for awhile anyway. maybe a long time. but i still hope to someday be in a position and strong enough to push push push, without fear or my body giving out until im satisfied. thats the thing i guess that pissed me off the most. where im at right now is just starting to get fun, i was starting to enjoy pushing, starting to enjoy the pain. after three months of hard hard work training was beginning to become a little easier to do. now that's all gone. im reduced to a couch potato. not the greatest couch potato either because i dont really like tv. oh well. oh well oh well. i have decided to write more often about being a cripple. and being in love. and being 19. and being a boy. and being in a house where trust isnt what holds us together, some strange mourning love-bond does. i feel a kind of funny that only you make me feel something from you honey travels from my head to my heel something from you started with something from me and its something we'll see grow so full and so true