too many things on my mind... my mind, well what's left of it.

i awoke to the light playing over my face from a draft blowing my curtains.

frames of light flew through my eyes faster and faster and drew me from sleep.

i feel nauseous. its too early. its summer. and the sun has other ideas.

i roll over but now the heat is on my back. i feel itchy and become uncomfortable.

when its time to get up, it really is time to get up. those extra sleepins never do me any good anyway.

sighing comes naturally, and so does stumbling. but i make it to the door. the hall. the shower.

the coldwater burns at first but is forgiving. and i embrace him. he clears my mind, and opens my eyes.

The water brings me to life. ends the grasp of a deep sleep. but morning ritual ain't what it used to be.

i used to have warm showers of course. and sometimes i still do. but i always get too hot and bothered.

cold showers. cold and refreshing. life giving. coma reducing. reality stitching showers.

i just have to unclog that drain, yuck.

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i was sitting in bed. but i was more slouching, more lying. but i was sitting never the less. i looked out the window and instead of seeing reality, I saw myself. i left myself and drifted, and i was alienated. i didnt know to embrace it. i was deeply scared. i have been like this before. it is harmless, but still it takes the breathe out of me. to be outside. to have no tangibility. to question what is and what isn't. like that is normal. like normal isn't. like nothing is anything is everything and all you can do is look and try and ingest all this sensory noise. its loud alright. and its screaming at every sense. its poking and pulling and pushing reality away and grabbing at my sense and pushing upon me nonsense. in retrospect i like it. i can control it. i dont know when ill next lose reality. but im never ready. but i am starting to become more accepting of it. i want to know why i can do it. probably because i can and thats that. i will try to be one with it next time, if i am aware it is happening even at all.

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time to fly to skip the light to hide in the night from noise that makes you uptight gives you a fright sends you to the corners of your minds right and comes back saying something about it all, listen closely. it is day, without sight, without the light. it is not different. you startle easy because you listen harder, you smell fainter, you taste slighter, you feel the slightest vibration in the air in the floor in you soul. you notice.

during the day, senses backseated you blunder along, seeing with your eyes, hearing with your eyes, tasting with your eyes, feeling with your eyes. quit it. close em up. be tender with them. use them for purpose. and then you will notice what needs to be noticed. you will see deeper and clearer. and you will become calm at night. calm at dawn. calm at noon. calm at twilight.

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all of the lights.