the warm fuzzies betray me, they exist only in my head and my heart beats harder and i get it man. i know what its saying. but dealing with it is hard work. i want to be free to be free would be amazing. im over, i want to be over it. i want it, really, to happen soon. it will be sad? sure. but thats ok. im ok with that now. i know i am. i dont want it anymore. i dont. need. it.

im ok now.

let me be.

---

If i need something new, when will it happen to me? i think i probably need to read more. im so stuck. what do i love more? what matters more? what do i need.

one more time, before we fade away into the page. one last time with the final kiss remember this, 12/31.

i had my final kiss on the 13/11, so not far off myles.it was so good that it almost made me change my mind about everything. and then i ran.

-----------

fuck. i got out of town last week and went into the bush for the afternoon. it was perfect.

Thesis. shit se? heists? the sis? his set. perfect.

should probably. let me pay forteaonetime and thecrimesi'vedone.

let me fail at loving you and expressing how i really feel.

fool me with your lies and your eyes.

cos you, bring me to my knees.

for you, i'd do anything.

--

simplified your simple lives, with my cosmic eyes that stretch to the far side of.

if heaven exists for those who are good, then hell exists and people were meant to be bad. survival can skew perception of good and bad. all those people who went to their deathbed beleiving they were going to heaven while they had slaves cleaning their quarters and cooking their meals. would they make it to heaven in this day and age? would all the kings who crusaded? would all those who killed jews in pursuit of religious harmony be worthy still?

this makes me even more certain that heaven and hell are just ideas in the collective mind. are we to scared to let them go?

why do old ideas persist. so much. lets look to the natural state for examples? there are definitely places like heaven and hell on earth. but they are now reachable. our earth is before us. it is uncovered in all its visible glory. but it is not understood at all. hmmm.