hey. i guess i'll put down everything. empty myself, and hopefully itll give me a chance to think about it. i find i am a writing thinker... i dont really think about stuff unless i write some thoughts down, and then mull them over... anyway, lets start with me. im ok. physically? sure! umm my ankle is still fucked as, and the other day coach neil rang me up and booked me flights to and from ozzy for a training camp in january for two weeks. so i guess i have to fix myself by then. how long have i been ignoring it and hoping itll go away without and work. too long, since june... thats what 3 months? if i'd stuck to the original plan. it'd be right or close to it by now... but no, i procrastinated... even over something this important to me. i can't believe i have no drive to do it! how disgusting... i love playing sports, this last three months have been hell, i get so pent up... i just wanna release, but i cant... and i end up going all quiet, and moody. i take it out on Kiri... not physically of course, but just silly things. it fucks me off. because i dont even know why i feel this way at the time. but now i guess its all related. anyway, gonna get that shit sorted now aren't i? YES I AM! yay next i guess is mentally... well and academically i think is the main point. im shit. shit. shit. shit. hows that for self esteem? well its not really self esteem, im pretty confident usually. i guess its just self analysis... i am a shit academic. i dont study, i sleep in lectures, i blatantly day dream, i have lost my purpose. i need it back if im to pass. otherwise this will just be a big waste of moolah. a shit load of moolah,like 15 grand. HUGE WASTE! but so far im ok. so if i get my a into g i should be alright by end of term. just gotta study, maybe this computer is partially to blame. which in turn leads me to otherpeople. and socially... this compy has meant my room is now used more often for procrastinating and parties.... my primary place of study is filled with empty beer cans... how ironic. been getting boozed way too much aswell. so from now on untill the last exam i aint drinking a pint! its water for me! fuck yeah, the big october detox! eating lots of vegetables and red meat! wooo yeah. Anyway, i guess all thats left is the girl... going on 5 months this week. its getting close to the 6 months i wanted to last for! i hope i can hang in... thats the most stupid thing... if im saying that i must already know that its not gonna work...fuck. tangerine, tangerine, Living reflection from a dream; I was her love, she was my queen, And now a thousand years between.