a lot of things are happening to me. i broke up with Kiri, intense. i learnt a lot, i learnt mostly that i did have emotions. and that i should listen to them because they generally know whats going on and are there to help you out, but i also learnt that everyone is different. and being yourself is really important. my step dad died today. he had a heart attack and collapsed to the floor while sitting at his desk upstairs. it is so surreal. i don't believe it. its so fucked up, so un fair, even though i never quite felt comfortable with him, i did love him. he gave me so many opportunities to do such wicked shit. and its im greatly influenced by him, he definately set me on a different path than that which i would've taken. im blessed to have been in his life for the last twelve years. m mum is so overwhelmed. and though i dont often get along with her, im going to have to be there for her over the next few months until everything is sorted and she regains some piece of normality. im going to miss him. hard. so much of my life with him, and now he just a memory. my eyes are so sore. its unbelievable, he was so fit and strong. and others who are useless get to live on, life is a bitch. but i guess he would say that's life, get on with it. go hard, and have fun. he took so many risks, did so many risky things, to die at a desk typing a letter... its bull shit, i almost killed him once when i stood on a rock and he was below me and then the rock displaced and began to roll down the hill ontop of him, he only just moved in time. and he has told of me of tonnes of other occassions where he was just lucky, he definately had his nine lives. bah... gonna have to man up some from now on, get my mojo working and totally own life. Oh he's the kind of guy who thinks he's smart He's the type that always looks the part He's on the make, it's undertake, honey An' I never let him touch my heart