and oh the rain comes a falling, a falling, a falling, and oh the rain comes a falling, and it chills me to the bone. maybe someday ill be who i want to be, i hope i can be that person. a lover, a father, i leader, but mostly a helper. im here, in this foreign town, where no one knows me. no one but my soulmate. i fear nothing in his company, i hope he feels the same way. im here where no one knows me, and i can be out there, i can talk to anyone and everyone, they dont know me, all they have is a first impression. and its funny how easy i can do it. i thought i was a useless anti social mongrel bitch. so much for self-observations. is this the situation in which you know who you are, or who you aren't? are we more ourselves in anonymous company or in good company of loved ones and friends? maybe its both, maybe they are two sides of the same coin. hand in hand i guess. i came here to be free of home and the pressures of Christchurch, something about my CHCH friends... i dunno what it is. ah and i cant explain it right now. anyway, so i came to be free of home, and figure out why i want Fi, and to totally subdue that feeling. and im not working on it, im not even thinking about it. its funny how when someone's not in ym daily routine they are totally out of my mind until they make contact with me... i totally just dont even think about certain people... and i dunno. i think about people who i'll meet soon or things i look forward to and the people associated with it... i.e going to training camp, Coach Niel... blah blah... does that make me an arsehole? and arsehat? a queer beaver? so many questions. so much bull shit... why can't i commit truth? questions again... its all i do.. is ask questions of myself in this forum... never answers... well maybe sometimes answers, when i know them... Et voila, c'est ca... i dont KNOW the answers, et c'est pourquoi exact! anyway, im going to sleep now, gotta get up in 7hrs to go work my back in to pain, fucking vines, fucking money, fucking world, fucking austrailians thinking they're better than anyone else, and fucking that its their fucking land and that the fucking immigrants should get the fuck out, fuck i hate people like that.... FUCK FUCK FUCK! GAH! SOMETIMES I WISH I WAS ZEUS! THEN I WOULD SMITE ALL OF REDNECK OZZY WITH MY FORKED LIGHTNING BLITZ! DIE FIENDISH OZZIES! DIE! Dont it always seem to go, That you dont know what you've got till its gone? They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot.