Friday, 10:28 p.m.   Even thinking about death brings tears to my eyes Or maybe it's just the hair that's everywhere. Minnaloushe is shedding like a long-haired cat in the summer. Oh wait, that's what he is. Well that explains the shedding then. My cat is in one of his rare playful/affectionate moods...I love him so much and I love him more than anything....what will I do when he dies?! oh my head hurts from all the crying I've done tonight. I miss my poopy. I would like absolutely nothing more than to curl up with scott on the couch and watch the nightmare before christmas to have a nice ending to this craptacular day. The only good thing was that I talked to my dad without being slaughtered and my cat decided to sit on my lap. yay! Do you ever have days where you just can't stop crying? today just really sucked. Aaron wasn't at school much today and I went to work instead of seeing scott and now I'm breaking down crying because my dog died almost a month ago. maybe she's in a better place but what was wrong with us? What was wrong with here? Why did she have to go and get cancer or hurt or whatever it was that happened to her. ---09425209---- I needed to get that out of my sight. I've finally stopped crying. So I asked daddy a random question today at work. I asked him if it was still customary for the bride's family to pay for a wedding? And he paused a moment before saying, "Um...no. No it's not..that died off long ago..." I asked him, "You're not just saying that because you would be the bride's family?" Then I said that no one here would want to marry me anyway, at least not 90% of the boys He asked me why, he sound alarmed, I told him it was because I would never convert. He said it was okay, Not even Logan is 90% anymore, and I'd probably meet my future husband at college where there is more of a diversity anyway. I said "but its okay, im not going to get married." And he said stuff about how much nicer life is if you have someone to share it with. And maybe he's right, I'll never know. Because I'll end up either one way or another, never quite for sure whether I'd be happier in the other... But I don't know, this whole concept of devoting my whole life to one person and someone devoting his whole life to me kind of scares me. And most marriages don't last anymore, 60% and all that. And I don't know. I just don't know. My daddy was asking me all these questions about Scott once and I was like, "geez I'm not marrying the kid" and he said, "well you should start looking for what you want early." I don't know. I just want to survive high school, then college. I don't know what happens after high school, let alone college. How could I live with someone for the rest of my life and not get sick of him? Things like this absolutely terrify me.