Tuesday, 9:56 p.m.   I hurt The funny part is it's not my hurt to feel pained by. Does that make sense? I hated myself today for my perfect childhood. I tried so hard to fall asleep last night. I laid awake in bed for so long thinking about too many things; That time when Sara wrote about how I never bothered to walk in other people's shoes and all I thought about was myself. I wished I could have told her how wrong she was but it didn't make sense to do so. And now, here I lie. Awake at night. Feeling the burn of flaming words that I wasn't supposed to feel. I felt the stabs of knives meant for other people. Tried to comprehend how people can hurt the ones that they love like this. Like that. Everything attacks me at night, long after the sun has gone down. when I think about everything I could have done. Everything I should have done. Everything I didn't do even though I knew I should have. Everything I did do even though I knew I shouldn't have. I thought about Scott a lot today. And Craig. But I thought about Scott and how much I wanted to see him. I now have a walletsized black and white print of him in my...wallet... It's so beautiful outside. the view outside my window looks like a painting. It's gorgeous. my feet are cold. My sister's cat is just sitting there. He won't let me touch him. They always sit just out of reach...They have since I was born. ------- Oh man. My boobs were itching and Emily said something about itchyboobs=growingboobs, but then I changed clothes and they don't itch anymore. Stupid itchy fabric. I will be A-cup forever. ----- Maybe tonight I will sleep.