Wednesday, 10:29 p.m.   Everything Today I finally talked to Sara. I was so happy that she signed on and we had a little bit of an argument and it hurt kind of but I just had to tell her how sad I was that I wasn't talked about in her plans and I missed her so much and she told me it wasn't like she hadn't tried and we were supposed to go shopping but I was with Scott and I said that I went home right after school and I was home from 3 for the rest of the day and she said she thought I was with him the whole day and I told her that wasn't true. And I was sorry. And I should have called. So tomorrow we're going to do something I went to Dan's house and Jarren and Jeff and Nicole were there and we watched Big Fish and I felt fat for my face, and they made faces at me but it was funny and I love them so much and I'm so glad they're my friends. Then Dan decided to go to Mutual whatever that is so Nicole and I decided to go get Scott! yay and Craig came too. yay for Craig. Craig's really attractive, Katherine's lucky. :) Scott's even more attractive, though. To me anyway. OMG. I was driving home from Scott's house and I thought I heard someone honking at me! So I turned my head and it was Brandin and Aaron !!!!! OMG!!!! I started laughing my butt off because they both saw me and my huge fat cheeks and I still smile because it was so happy. yay! It made my day. Thanks Aaron, you're the man. --------------- 11:22 p.m. It's almost morning again. Hmm. I've talked about that first boyfriend type thing that I had, Levi, a lot today. It's strange but even stranger is how much better I feel about it. About him. About his total jerknosity and how much I still hate him and how much he hurt me and betrayed me and I know now that I've learned And I never thought I'd let another person touch me in remotely the same way Levi pretended to but somehow Scott worked his way into my bubble and I don't mind it at all. Because I love Scott much more than I ever even pretended to like Levi. Scott is way more beautiful in every single way and Scott isn't fake the way Levi is fake. Scott loves me too not the way Levi just pretended to like me because I liked him and he kissed me on the cheek once infront of Kelly G. probably to see if she got jealous because he still liked her, he liked her since 7th grade and I was stupid and I was a sophomore. God I hate him. but I'm much much better at it now than I was before. I remember that I hated him so much I could barely bring myself to touch him in a slap that day after he told me what the deal was up with our break up. I didn't slap him very hard and I promised myself I wouldn't cry over him and then Natalie came up to me and told me it was mostly my fault anyway and she knew we weren't right for each other and I started screaming right there in the middle of the hall. And I flipped off my french teacher that smelly mister ugly and got sent to the counselor and I got to sit in his office for the remainder of the hour and cry. No one likes mister ugly so all I had to do was say I was sorry to him. I didn't even say it sincere in the slightest. In fact I made a show out of it being a fake apology and my counselor wiped his hands like he was clear of the matter and said "Well see we're all good now." and said something about using my emotions in a more productive manner since the bird finger was really offensive to people and blah blah blah, but I could tell he didn't mean it and Mr. ugly pretended to believe that I was sincerely apologetic and that the counselor Mr. O really meant what he was saying. And now I have a little tiny bit of experience under me and I know that as soon as a guy starts getting suicidal and only talks about him and his "lack of feelings" which is really just a pansy-ass way of saying he's selfish, drop him. Whatever. If he kills himself it wasn't your fault. Levi was bad for me. And if a boy tells me I should avoid wearing something then he's not worth my time. I should get to wear whatever the poo I want and if you get jealous because other people are looking at me, then maybe you don't have enough confidence to keep me and maybe I shouldn't even try. So there. I love Scott and someday if/when we break up at least the memories I have won't be tainted by knowing that it was all fake. Because it's not. And that makes me lucky.