Monday, 12:22 p.m.   Taking Over The World I pulled in my driveway after work today, I was thinking about him, no not him, him. Because he told me he was going to try and find my house after school today, after summer school and he comes through the mountains every day to go to summer school so he can graduate high school because he failed so many classes. I drew him a map. He tried to find it before on my directions but failed to do so, so I drew him a map. And I was thinking about him in the car on the way home, I was singing "Screaming Infidelities" by Dashboard and then "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera. I put "Beautiful" on Repeat because I love it so much and then I pulled into my driveway singing and wondering if CJ was going to find my house. I put the car in park and turned off the engine and still was singing and then my dog started barking. I was confused; he doesn't bark at me. Then I look out my window to tell Chase to Shut Up, Shut Up You Stupid Dog, and there he is, that boy, the one who I teased for looking fourty, the one who loves spaghetti so much and he is my snowflake. He only stayed for a minute, and I hugged him and I missed him and I didn't watch him drive away, I just told him to have a safe ride home. For someone I've only ever seen four times in my life, I feel like I've known him forever. And at times its like I meet him again every time we talk. It's a good thing, and good things never last. As I'm well aware of by now, Wednesday is the day my life as i know it is over and I'll probably spend all of Thursday crying But Thursday night I'm going to Sara's house to sleep over and we're going to get secret invisible male strippers and eat a lot of ice cream and talk about horrible boys who are cute and it will be better I hope for me to cope. Thank you Sara, my Trip my Toots, my Wednesday, my Yin! We'll have a blast, even if we have to force ourselves to. Break out the black make up my dear. ----------------- 6:34 p.m. Let's make a pretty picture together, We are the Paint and the World is our Canvas. ----------------- 6:39 p.m. I'm a sad girl. I went to Lowes for Katherine to find paint and plywood, but the only plywood was so huge, and I don't need huge buckets of paint, so we'll see what's at walmart... I went to Borders and started reading. The story I gave my daddy is that I read an entire book, I just got so into it, And that's why I'm home so late, Really. I did get involved in something and it was intense and wonderful (not sex, preverts), but it wasnt' a book.... I saw Scott today, it was good, but I was holding him in my arms and rocking him and it sounds like a baby well he's my baby and I almost cried because I don't know the next time I'll get to hold my Scott again. he has to leave me he is taking a piece of my soul with him when he goes, whether he knows it or not. He took my hand today and I got butterflies in my stomach and I felt the same way I did in early December, walking through the mall holding hands with him and it was unbelievably nice. And just lying next to him in the park today, talking and then just being quiet, just basking in his presence, it was good, it was lovely, staring into his gorgeous blue eyes.... I love him. This is so hard. Chelsea M. asked me if I was going to be okay, and I think I will, for the most part; I'll try not to cry too hard, and I'll try not to cry in front of other people, I'll do my best to move on a little bit, see other people, try new things... But I'm not promising anything.