Sunday, 11:13 a.m.   When the 'Net dies, I feel as though I'm missing a part of me. Yeah, that's how addicted I am. To the net. It's sad. The internet is so effed up. Daddy rebooted the router but still no go - it must be the cable. Damn. So here I am. Writing a journal entry in notepad, hoping the 'Net will boot up soon. I don't even know why I want to write in my journal so badly all the time. I mean, it's not like my life is really that interesting that I have to write down exactly what happened and where, but I guess it's just kind of an outlet. better than me bottling it all up inside because when I do that, bad bad things happen. Mental breakdowns on the kitchen floor can't be good for your health. If Taylor thought I was scary when I screamed at him that one time, well...It would be an interesting reaction to see if he had been there for that incident. My sister called my mom and asked her what was wrong with me and my mom came home to see what the trouble was and I was still sobbing on the floor curled up in the fetal position. Dahh. My sister had been the trigger of that. She was the trigger for a lot of my screaming fits. My parents had to pay me to watch her. She might be the reason why I hate children, but I don't know. Maybe I'm afraid of children because of my own incompetency to understand them. They can't speak correctly all the time, and their words are fumbled and I can't understand half of what they say. And they ask me questions I can't answer. It's frustrating. Plus I hate hearing screams and yells. It's the most brutal non-physical punishment you can give me. Daddy used to yell at me a lot when I was in previous years of school and didn't do what he wanted me to. And then lie about it to avoid getting in trouble, I guess I just recently learned that this was really a not good thing. I think maybe either I'm defective or it's human nature to lie your way out of trouble. I'd never lie to my friends, but they can't really inflict the same punishments on me as my parents can. Anyway, the show last night kinda sucked. I asked Katherine if we should leave and she was like yeah. We told scott and craig and said we should go to scott's and watch a movie because it sounded way funner than the show was being. I was told we missed the good band. Oh well. We watched School of Rock at Scott's house. Katherine accused scott and I of not paying attention! What gave her that idea, we were totally engrossed in the movie. -shifty eyes- Because it's weird making out when your friends are there in the same room...really...not that...i would know.... ahem. Katherine and Craig made a cutesy little couple...Maybe because I wanted more bed space and I told them to cuddle or something... :} so they did. Awwwwww. I didn't, however, tell them to cuddle in the back seat, they just took the opportunity themselves... Although I suppose when I did my hand check they weren't holding hands...her head was on his shoulder, but their hands weren't touching as far as I could tell. I didn't look to close though, as the light turned green when I called hand check... :3 awwwwwww. cuuutte. Yeah. I got home around 11:20. Yay for 10 minutes early! And then I was up until like 12:30 talking to Scott and Suisse..poor Suisse. :( I wish I was awake enough to be coherent and stuff. Daddy woke me up this morning at 10:22 and asked me if I was going to church. No. oops. But there's no Foundations of Faith today so I'm good. And the people at my church don't whisper behind your back if you don't show up a week. Yay! So I told him no, if I missed sunday school what's the point of going to church and he was like okay, wanna latte? So I woke up anyway, just for the coffee. Mmm...latte... And German Sweet Bread. Dar! I need the net! Not just for to talk to friends and junk but to look up the movie times for "Mean Girls" so I can take my sister to it. To do something nice for her. So I don't have to tomorrow. Ahem. Wow I have nothing planned tomorrow. I don't wanna be stuck in my house all day....-pout- and I have no money to go shopping with. Not that I even like shopping. What would I shop for, anyway. I've got plenty of clothes, I don't really wear make up, I don't wear jewelry much either, My daddy buys all my nifty cool electronics, shopping for candy is lame. I guess all the neat things to do like ice skating are closed because of Memorial Day and everything. The movie theaters are probably open but expensive and there's this whole broke issue. Well actually I have 31 dollars in cash but I'm sure I can use it for something else. Maybe I could go to a restaurant but there aren't many restaurants around here with big vegetarian menus. Last night I dreamed I took a bite out of a slice of turkey and it was -so- gross. It tasted like turkey! (go figure) Wow. I hate meat. A few days after I became a vegetarian I took a bite of tiny spicy chicken to make sure I was making the right choice, but the chicken wasn't even good. the outside part was, but the outside part is just bread and sugary glaze. Being an ovo-lacto-vegetarian is not as hard as I thought it would be. I can still eat eggs and milk, but I always thought chicken would be tempting. It's not. Yay! Net's still not back up, but I remembered I can listen to music still. It would be cool if I could rename all my files but I don't have the net to look them up.. Yay! it's back! I'm not addicted...-shifty eyes- What are you talking about...o.O I'm not getting a yearbook this year. In some ways I don't care and in some ways I do. It's like this constant battle in my heart. A yearbook would be nice to have in New Zealand, a yearbook would be good and I could get signatures in it and I could look at signatures and remember the writer's personality and how much I loved him or her or if I did at all. It would keep me connected to here and I would remember it better and I would miss it. On the other hand, who writes anything meaningful in yearbook? Who would I ask to sign mine, who would I want to miss that much? If I went to Logan maybe and had signatures from all the people from Logan who I love, I guess. And there is the swim team who I will miss and love forever and ever until the day I come back. And Aaron and Taylor who I got close to this year and My new friend Emily who taught me what being real was. But then I would cry. And I'm ugly when I cry, and my face is red and puffy and People don't like watching me cry. I cried at a dance once for a stupid reason and when I knew it was a stupid reason I cried harder because I hated myself and poor Sara sat with me and cried with me and we pretended it was because we didn't have beautiful red dresses. And in New Zealand I would make myself not have fun because I wouldn't want to stop remembering. It's hard. But I guess my choice is already made up for me. No yearbook. Note to self: chelsea will owe me $4.50.