Sunday, 5:16 p.m.   Severe Addictions Things I am addicted to air food water sleep scott this If I quit I'll die. Die die die die die. I feel nauseated and I'm really confused about why I'm writing in here. No one cares, I don't care, why am I here. ------------- 6:30 p.m. To wrap up some confusion: I didn't mean no one cared about my journal in general. Because I do really care about my journal. It was just right then, why was I at the site typing in mindless chatter about blither and blather. And stuff. Just because some day I might come back and say "What a terribly depressed person I was right then." when that is just not true. It's the stew stewing downstairs making me sick. Oh I hate meat. --------------- 9:26 p.m. I miss my old best friend. I can't tell anyone the things I can tell her. And she can't tell anyone the things she can tell me. And they're our secrets, the things we'll keep from everyone until someday in our mid twenties and we're in a bar drinking lots of mixed drinks, cracking up, going "oh remember that time freshman year when..." and things. And that brings me to another point. The only person I'm ever out to impress is my own future self. Once Chelsea M. and I had a conversation about me always planning things out and her doing everything spontaneously. I don't like doing things and regretting them later. It's one of the things I really really hate. Most of the spontaneous things I've done have gotten me in trouble, so I've regretted them. And a lot of the half-baked plans I've carried out I regret not thinking through, too. And I hate regret. I hate looking back and thinking how stupid I was. I want to be able to look back at myself and have respect for me. It would be cool to get to know my future self or something, I guess I will eventually when I am her. I wonder what she's like. I wonder what I'm like a year from now, almost ready to come home. I wonder will I be excited or scared or both like I am now? Or will I even be alive then? Anyway. Isn't it interesting to think that in the room you're in right now, 10 years from now, someone might be in it at this exact time, just 10 years in the future? You could talk to them and they'll never even hear you. You could wave and dance and they'll never see you. But in a fourth dimension kind of way, they're there with you. Scary. Cool. Weird. ------------------- 9:43 p.m. pent up sexual frustration. I need a vibrator.