Wednesday, 9:41 a.m.   These Tears Are For What We Had I cried myself to sleep last night. I can't remember the last time I couldn't discern between crying and sleeping. And I dreamt about him, I dreamt we were getting married, a few days before I left to New Zealand and we were sleeping in the same bed and I asked him if maybe we shouldn't get married right before I leave. then my mom helped me clean my room and that's the last thing i remember. I was so disappointed when I woke up and my room was still messy. In the shower this morning my nose started itching like crazy and I wondered if he was thinking about me, but he's probably still sleeping. He called me yesterday. I shed one tear. Literally, one drop fell from my eyes and then I was okay for the rest of the day until later that night when I ended up crying myself to sleep. But I miss him. I love him and I miss him. I realized then that i didn't miss his kisses and touch so much as I missed his voice and talking to him. So this can't be lust right? and I didn't tell him half of what I wanted to. Well today i am going to Borders to talk to Dave. I'm not sure about what. But I was told Dave wanted to talk to me before I left. So I am going to see him since he wasn't at church these past two sundays. I am hungry. I am going to go eat. And then go to borders. I still love Scott. And I still love you.