5:35 Late Monday Evening (3 November 2008) That man who is my height and has a strong hug... The man who can't sing to save his life but still belts out songs without really thinking if anyone is home. He wanders around the house and plays with the dog and sings while he cooks. I know he dances even though he pretends he doesn't like to. He has a brilliant mind and a silly demeanor. He loves sausage. He likes to blow bubbles and swing and play on the slide. When he makes a friend, he stays friends forever. I want him to become friends with my friends because then I can keep my friends forever, too. He makes me a better person and I like to think that I present to him a challenge - he has to continue liking me even though I can be unlikeable. He would make an excellent father. He makes me want to be a good mommy and that scares the hell out of me. Anyway...Some people never change. I feel like I never change. I don't know that I ever want to change, really. I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I still feel the way I felt when I was 16; few things have changed. I am more in love than I was and technically I have aged. I still wear a lot of the same clothes. I still think farts are funny. I still have an offensive sense of humour. I still enjoy using bizarre turns of phrase. Sometimes I feel like I know myself and then at other times I feel like I have no idea who I am. Is this my exploratory diary? Is this the diary where I seek to find out who I really am? Searching for some inkling of who I am in my words... Tonight I am going to a ballet. I expect to come out feeling more alive and rejuvenated, thinking that I, too, can be a ballerina. I will dance my way down the street. What shall I wear?